


E.V.O.L

by colorfulintention



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Smut, the holy trinity but not all at the same time
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-20
Updated: 2017-07-20
Packaged: 2018-12-04 12:25:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11555166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colorfulintention/pseuds/colorfulintention
Summary: Trixie Mattel needs an internship to get her college degree in time with her friends, and what a surprise it is when she ends up in the art studio of none other than retired actress, puzzle woman, Katya Zamolodchikova.





	1. Prologue - Primadonna Girl / Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was very much inspired by the songs in Marina and The Diamonds' album Electra Heart. Every chapter is named with a quote from a song, and bits of lyrics are scattered in the story. Thanks so much for reading and supporting this story, it was the first thing I ever had the guts to post.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trixie opened her mouth just to close it again. She didn't know what to say.
> 
> “Do you?”
> 
> “Do I what?”
> 
> “Know who I am?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting the prologue along with the first chapter so the numbers won't be fucked in the next ones

This was it, her last chance. If Trixie didn't complete her internship hours in the next six months, she wasn't graduating with her friends. She couldn't stand the embarrassment of being left behind. And she simply couldn't afford another semester worth of debt. She managed to get a few jobs doing hair and make up for other students' projects and some off-off-off-Broadway shows, which, luckily, counted for her mandatory internship hours. But she still had at least three months worth of work left to do and no signs of getting anything at all.

Trixie was as frustrated as she could be. She was born to be a star, to shine on a stage, to sign her pictures anywhere she goes, to have her name shouted by crowds. Her life had been planned around this one and only goal. She could dance, she could sing and she looked like a living doll. Everyday she woke up at least an hour early to have her long blonde hair perfectly curled, her face sculpted with make up, her body embraced by the best look she could put together. There was no one like her. And yet, she wasn't excelling. No even in her classes, no one admired her. She wasn't the best at anything. Only “good”, always just “good”. It killed her inner light everyday a little more. That's why, when Kim walked into their over-decorated dorm room to tell her the news, she had to force a smile on her pink lips.

“I got the job!” Kim hugged her while bouncing slightly with excitement. “I'm starting next week! I am officially a make up artist for a real fashion magazine!”

“Congratulations, honey!” Trixie smiled, using the best of her acting abilities.”I knew you were getting it, you deserve it!”

“Thanks! I am so happy, you have no idea, Trixie. I told you our dreams were gonna come true, didn't I?” 

Trixie sighed, her cheeks hurting lightly to keep her smile up. “Yeah, you did. I mean, you and Pearl just... got there. It's really happening.”

Pearl had been hired as an assistant music producer at the studio she had interned in. If she wasn't already the coolest girl in town, she was definitely conquering the title. Now, Kim was becoming the real deal too. Truth is, Trixie used to be the queen bee of the trio. And being out shined was huge no-no. There was a reason she had cut outs of Marylin Monroe and Barbie pictures on her vision board. She was no opening act, she was Brtiney, bitch.

“Girl...” Kim looked at her with a concerned face. “You're not getting in that defeated mindset again, are you? I've told you, you have to be patient.”

“Of course not!” The blonde scoffed with an exaggerated wave of her hands. “I'm cool, Kim. I mean, I have bigger ambitions, so it takes longer to get there, right?”

The taller girl blinked slowly and pretended not to notice the arrogant undertone of what she heard. Trixie tended to do that – when she felt bad about herself, she tried to hide from the world, only the place she usually chose to hide was all the way up her own ass.

“Yes, that's true” Kim agreed patiently. “There's a lot coming your way, you're gonna make it big, Trixie.”

–

The next morning, Trixie was up and ready in record time, so she decided to get herself a croissant and a chocolatey frapuccino as a reward for not crying herself to sleep last night. While she waited for her breakfast, she looked around the café, scanning a cork board covered in party flyers, notes asking for help with school projects and weird job proposals. On the bottom right, a blue piece of paper caught her attention.

_Art studio needs intern_

_You can have coffee all the day and use the studio space for your personal projects in your free time._

_Applications to: newbies@zamostudio.com_

Trixie chuckled at the e-mail and pulled out her phone. This wasn't what she had in mind, but at this point there was no time for choosing. She did a quick research on the studio, just to make sure it wasn't some psychopath’s trap, then sent in her résumé. About half an hour later, she was just finishing her coffee and scrolling through instagram, her phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Hi! This is Tatianna, from Zamo Art Studio. Can I speak to Trixie Mattel, please?”

Whoa. That was fast.

“This is her!”

“Oh, hello, Trixie! So, you applied for the intern position, right?”

“Yes.” The blonde girl had her fingers crossed under the table.

“Are you available for an interview today?”

“Yes!” She almost screamed in excitement. “Yeah, I'm totally free after two!”

“Great! So, can you be here at three?”

“Yeah! Let me get a pen to right down the address” she reached into her bag, slightly bouncing off her seat. She wrote it on a napkin and hang up with a happy “see you later”. 

“Well” she thought, “life's giving me lemons, so let's make lemonade.”

**Chapter One – Eternal game of tug and war**

Trixie arrived in front of a white small building, big glass windows looking down on her from the top floor, a simple metallic door waiting for her. There was no doorbell or sign, so she opened it and peaked in, immediately chocked. The place was huge on the inside, filled with art, plants and people talking. It almost looked like a party. She closed the door behind her and walked up to a large white desk where a brunette woman was sitting. 

“Hi! I'm Trixie, I'm here for the internship interview.”

“Hi, Trixie!” The brunette smiled and stoop up to greet her, and Trixie marveled at her beauty. She wore a tight black dress, purple lipstick and had the most perfect eyebrows Trixie had ever seen. “I'm Tatianna! I'm the one that spoke to you on the phone. Let me take you upstairs where the other girls are waiting.”

The blonde followed her up a wide set of stairs to a big room with shining wood floors and a chandelier made of glass orbs of various sizes. The place was way nicer and cooler than Trixie expected. Against the wall opposite to the stairs was a line of metallic chairs, where three other girls seated looking very nervous. To their right was a big wooden door surrounded by paintings and drawings of every size and style.

“You can take a seat, I believe our manager will be with you guys in a minute.” Tatianna pointed at the chairs with a soft smile and left back to her desk downstairs.

Trixie thanked her and went towards the chairs, taking the seat next to a petit girl with bright blue hair that immediately turned to her. “Hi, I'm Phi Phi!”

“I'm Trixie, nice to meet you.”

“This is so exciting, right?” The girl said with a huge smile. Trixie hates to make small talk, especially with strangers. But she was doing her best to keep her nice girl vibes going since she really fucking needed that job.

“Yeah, it's a beautiful place!” She answered looking up at the golden orbs on the ceiling.

“It's the coolest place ever!” Phi Phi laughed just a second after she heard herself. “I'm sorry, I'm just really nervous. I've never met, like, a _famous_ person before. Let alone in a situation like this.”

Trixie was very confused. Sure, she thought she was destined to fame, but she wasn't there yet. “Um... what do you mean?”

“Oh... I believe Katya is interviewing us herself” The smaller girl looked at Trixie like she had just told her she had won the lottery.

“Katya?” Damn, was this some low key important artist she was supposed to know? She didn't have time to research much about the place. Her class ended at 1:30 and she ran back to her dorm to change into what she considered “more professional” clothes and retouch her make up, then ran up to the bus stop.

“Hi, darling!” A voice came from the right side of the room and when they all looked up, a blonde gorgeous woman stood in front of the big wooden door, now open, showing a very messy room behind it.

Phi Phi forgot to close her mouth for a second. The other two girls stared with wide eyes and shy smiles. Trixie looked at her face, light blue eyes and a picture perfect smile, framed by long blonde curls, and it clicked.

Her mind flew back about six years, she seating in her bedroom, magazines in her hands, looking for pretty pictures to stick around her mirror. The face of a blonde girl in rage, flipping the camera with both hands, was under the headline “The rise and fall of Katya: is this rock bottom?” The young actress was always reason for a scandal, either because she slept with some other celebrities, for being open about her bisexuality, for partying to much, for getting caught with drugs, or simply because she didn't seem get used to this whole “public figure” thing. She was wild and, at that moment, she got caged. That was the year she got into rehab, becoming another problematic Hollywood girl. After that, very little or nothing was said about Katya Zamolodchikova in the media anymore. It was like she had really reached the end of her career and vanished.

A butterfly started to flap her wings in Trixie's stomach. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Zamo Studio, of course. She mentally kicked herself for not making the connection. Katya was beautiful and intimidating. She stepped in front of the four girls, holding some sheets of paper that Trixie couldn't see what was, her long dress showing off the heels of her brown leather boots.

“Thank you all so much for taking the time to come here. I am Katya and I am going to do the interviews. Ginger, our manager, was supposed to do it, but I needed her working on something else today.” She waved casually with her left hand and gave them a playful smile. “So, here's the deal: we have to open spots. One is as an assistant to the event planning team. That means you'll help them organize our exhibitions, upcoming performances and all that. The second one is to work directly with me. I'm working on a lot of projects right now and I need me an extra pair of hands around this place.” She laughed, causing the girls to nervously follow her.

“The catch is: we're on a tight budget here.” She sighed and gave them a guilty smile, like a kid admitting they didn't do their homework. “I hate this whole thing of unpaid internships, because it's a lot of work, I know. But, since I'm not richest bitch around anymore” Trixie laughed and Katya looked directly into her eyes, making the younger girl shiver for half a second “I will pay you with endless coffee and snacks, I will let you use the studio and any spare materials we have for your projects, and I'll give you a spot on the next exhibition.”

Trixie looked around to see the other girls wide eyed and gasping. So this was a really good opportunity then. She wouldn't have any art pieces to showcase in a place like this, but she couldn't help but imagine being under a spotlight, applause washing over her after performing.

“Do you have any questions?” Katya asked looking at them.

“I just wanted to say” Phi Phi started, her hands over her chest “it's a great honor to be here, Miss Zamo-”

“God!” Katya interrupted her with a horrified look and Trixie felt the blue haired girl freeze beside her. “Katya! Call me Katya. We don't have this shit around here. We do first names.” She laughed and Phi Phi relaxed a little, but still looked scared to death. “If there are no questions, then let's begin. You!” she pointed at Trixie and an imaginary cold water drop ran down her spine “You can be the first. Come on.”

Trixie got up and followed the older woman into her messy office. Katya closed the door behind them and went to sit at a big black chair behind her desk. “Take a seat.”

The younger girl sat across from her and smiled. Katya looked down at the papers she was carrying “You are...”

“Trixie.”

“Ah, Trixie Mattel”, she pulled one of the sheets and Trixie recognized her résumé. “So, you're studying... musical theater” she paused to look at the other one before continuing “and you're also a hair and make up artist.” Katya looked up with confused eyes. Trixie just nodded and waited for a question, but it took a few seconds.

Katya stared at her and her look turned to an interested one, like she had just noticed something new in Trixie. “Let me ask you something and, please, please, be honest.”

“Of course” Trixie answered with her best polite smile, masking the desperation that was going through her mind.

“When I got out there just now, you were talking to that other girl... you sounded very oblivious mentioning my name. Almost like you didn't know who I was.”

Trixie opened her mouth just to close it again. She didn't know what to say.

“Do you?”

“Do I what?”

“Know who I am?”

“I... I mean, of course I do. I- I just didn't realize it was you before, you know...”

She felt super embarrassed. Katya was probably judging her like some dumb blonde teenager. She blew it.

“So you came in here solely because of the job. Nothing else?”

“Yeah, I mean... Isn't this why you had Tatianna call me?”

Katya smiled satisfied. She touched her chin pensively, looking Trixie up and down for a second before asking “Why do you think you would be a good addition to my studio?”

Trixie breathed in and gathered her confidence, her rehearsed answer flowing out with a smile “Because I'm an artist and art is my life. I might not be a painter, or a sculptor, or anything like that. But I know how to appreciate everything. Besides, I work hard, doesn't matter what I'm doing.”

The older woman nodded slowly and looked at her for another second, her smile growing on just a side. Trixie thought she was so charming. Those mysterious eyes scanning her like she was analyzing a painting in a museum. She really liked attention, but at that moment she felt like it was a little more. She was being appreciated, taken in in all her pink and blonde glory.

“You look ambitious, Trixie Mattel. I like you.” Katya crossed her wrists over the many papers on the desk. Trixie read the signs, she was really good at it, and took the opportunity to use her favorite persuasion weapon – flirting.

“I really am” she tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear and looked the other one with a challenging smile, crossing her legs and never breaking eye contact. “Thank you.”

Katya laughed softly, noticing every single trick Trixie was trying to pull. She saw right through it, because she had been that girl so many years ago. The eyelash flutter, the staring contest to settle dominance, the coy hair play and slight pout of the lips. Trixie was doing it very right, as far as Katya could see. It was working. But that wouldn't be hard, given how pretty Trixie was and how Katya loved this game. Damn, people were right about her.

“You're going places, Trixie.” She pulled away from the desk and stood up. “Can you wait outside while I talk to the other girls?”

“Yes, of course”, Trixie stoop up and pulled on her skirt. Katya opened the door for her and waved theatrically towards the waiting room. “Please call Phi Phi next” she winked and went back to her chair.

Trixie nodded and went up to the short girl outside, who looked like she was gonna burst at any moment. “Phi Phi, you're up next”. She sat down while the other one got up and breathed in deep, smoothing her dress and walking to the office.

When Phi Phi got out, she called in the next girl, but didn't sit back down like Trixie. She waved goodbye and went downstairs, not returning. About half an hour later, the other two girls had been interviewed and also gone, leaving Trixie alone in the room. Katya came out of her office and walked up to her.

“I'm sorry to make you wait. So, I've made my decision. I want you to work with me.”

It took a second before Trixie realized she got the job. She couldn't hold the smile that spread across her face while she got up. “Wow! Thank you! Thank you so much!”

“Of course, darling. So, can I give you the tour?”

“Sure! Let's go!”

She was proud of herself. She followed Katya around, almost skipping in glee, being introduced to everyone and getting to know every detail about the place. Trixie totally forgot her flirty pose at that point, looking like a happy kid in a toy store. Katya observed her, happy with her choice. At the end, they were at Tatianna's desk, registering Trixie and doing final paperwork.

“Okay, so now you just need to bring us the papers from your college, we'll sign it, and you're in, honey!” The pretty brunette said with charismatic smile. “Congrats!”

“Thank you!” Trixie answered her and turned to Katya. “Thank you so much! You won't regret this, I promise.”

“I hope not!” Katya laughed and walked her to the front door. “You know, you lied about something.”

“What?” Trixie stopped and looked back at her very confused.

“You are a painter, Trixie Mattel. Your face is gorgeous.”

The taller girl forgot to breathe for a split second. She did not see that coming. A warm feeling spread across her chest and she muttered a thank you, looking at the other woman through her long dark eyelashes.

Katya opened the door and Trixie stepped out. When she started to walk, she heard Katya's voice.

“Oh, and Trixie!” She stopped and looked back. “Don't forget to have fun! You know, that's rule number one.” And the door was closed.


	2. Lonely Hearts Club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On another occasion, while Trixie gathered every red, orange and yellow paint tubes she could find in the supply cabinet behind Katya's desk, by her request, the boss calculated her astrological chart and fully analyzed the girl back to front. And those were only a couple of moments when Katya left her speechless with a shocked smile.

Working with Katya turned out to be way more eventful than Trixie had expected. She imagined she would be getting coffee, picking up clothes from dry cleaning, taking unwanted calls and carrying shit around the studio. But now she found herself beside Katya in a hardware store, helping her choose little light bulbs for her newest art piece.

“You know, color is basically light, Trixie” The older woman said while looking through the shelves. “It absolutely changes how we see things, and shapes everything around us.”

“Yeah, like contouring your face with make-up” Trixie gestured to her own face.

“Yes! And like a dress that looks white and gold, but it's actually blue and black.” The taller girl laughed at the silly meme reference and nodded. Katya threw an arm around her and squeezed her shoulders. “Ah, you're so smart, young padawan! Thank God I chose you!”

Trixie blushed a little and pushed Katya's arm away with a laugh, following her around the store. These were other two things that surprised Trixie: how nice and generous Katya could be to everyone around her, and how fucking smart she was. Katya could talk about anything and had opinions on everything. She never passed an opportunity to educate Trixie on something new, or add a little more to what she already knew. When Trixie made a joke about Katya's particular taste in clothing – so many weird patterns and color combinations! - the older woman looked her dead in the eye and said:

“Trixie, _pretty_ and _ugly_ aren't real things. Taste is a social construct, it's a cultural trait. We're programmed, from the day we are born, to think some things are pretty and others are ugly. Break free, mama. Look beyond!”

On another occasion, while Trixie gathered every red, orange and yellow paint tubes she could find in the supply cabinet behind Katya's desk, by her request, the boss calculated her astrological chart and fully analyzed the girl back to front. And those were only a couple of moments when Katya left her speechless with a shocked smile. Trixie also loved the fact that Katya talked to her all the time, and not _at_ her. She asked questions and paid attention to the answers. By the end of her second week working at the studio, she caught herself feeling sad about how time flew and it was already time to go home.

“So, Trixie, how are you liking your time here with us?” Katya asked from her chair, watching the tall girl gather her things from her brand new desk on the corner of the office.

“I...” Trixie hesitated. She wasn't very comfortable sharing her feelings, especially when they were so good. She felt like they could be used against her, probably her dickhead father's fault, or like being affectionate would make her seem weak. But she really felt like taking the opportunity to get a little bit closer to such a special woman. “You know what? I really fucking love it” she laughed a little. “I thought I would be bored all the time and treated like some random intern, but... turns out you're really a great boss!”

Katya laughed at the comment, a genuine smile hitting her blue eyes along with the sunset coming in from the window. The yellow light almost made them look green. Trixie thought back to the color theory crash course Katya gave her and her heart skipped a beat. Damn, that woman was something.

“Why, thank you very much!” The older woman nodded and crossed her legs. “Since you like me so much, and everyone in this place seems to think you're the best intern we've ever had...” she joked, and Trixie thought this was probably Tatianna's doing. She and the brunette had become very good friends, bonding over make-up tricks and stage performance ideas. “You're invited to the happy hour _slash_ just a little company party tonight.”

“Oh wow! I'm honored!” Trixie replied a little sarcastically, laughing to show she was joking. “I would love to! What time and where?”

“Half the girls are going right after we leave, some are heading home to fix their faces. Not everyone is as lucky as us, you know.” She winked and laughed again, making Trixie's heart skip another beat. “So, you decide. If you want, you can ride with me. It's at my place, by the way.”

_Her place._ Trixie was going to a private party at Katya's home. Imaginary photography flashes appeared in her mind and a headline “Katya's new BFF: the new it girl in town”. She blinked herself awake from the fantasy and thought for a second. “Hm... Okay. If it doesn't bother you, of course. It's way better than taking the bus!” They both laughed again and Trixie added “I just have to call my roommate to let her know I'm coming home late.”

“Oh, invite her too! We'll pick her up on our way!”

Kim gasped an _oh my god_ on the phone. “Are you kidding me? Of fucking course I wanna go! Besides, you won't shut up about this woman, I wanna meet this bitch and see if you've been lying to me.” Trixie rolled her eyes. Kim found it hard to believe Katya could be such a nice person, since all she knew about the retired actress was the shit she read on the internet.

The car ride was a little awkward. Trixie rode shotgun, the strong smell of cigarettes around her. Katya bumped her hand against her thigh a bunch of times while shifting the gears, mumbling a little _I'm sorry_ every time. It felt like the physical proximity killed their never ending conversation for some reason. Trixie thought way too much, but Katya didn't even want to. She knew herself and how she loved to go after what she shouldn't have. Trixie was pretty and interesting, and a truly nice person, even if she put on a tough front. But she was her employee. Katya didn't need any more trouble in her life. _I'm not that person anymore_ , she thought to herself.

When Kim got into the backseat, the tension was a little lighter. Trixie introduced the two and Katya kept asking questions about the Korean girl, making the conversation flow all the way to her place. She opened the automatic garage door and parked inside a beautiful house. The walls outside were painted a cream color, with a cute garden at the front and wooden windows, almost like a grandma's home. When they got inside, a few girls from he studio were already there.

“Finally! I used my copy of the keys, so we're attacking your fridge, ok?” Ginger, the short redhead manager greeted them. “Detox brought the alcohol, don't yell at me.”

Detox messed with painting, but she was actually a sculptor. In fact, she was so passionate about sculpting she had her whole body perfectly sculpted with plastic surgery. Her outfits were also works of art, always well planned and executed. Trixie thought she was one of the coolest people she'd ever met.

“Come on, Ginger. We're just relaxing after a long week!” Detox walked up to Katya with a drink in her hand. “Don't worry honey, this isn't gonna get wild, I promise. We got you a fuck ton of Red Bulls too!”

“Thank God!” The blonde replied with a fake angry face. “I thought I was gonna have to kick you out of my house _and_ my studio!” She laughed, then turned to take Kim by the hand. “Guys! This is Trixie's roommate, Kim! Be nice to her or you're all fired!” She smiled and turned to the younger girls “Let me take your bags and coats! You can go in the kitchen and make yourselves at home! I'll be right back!”

Katya took the girls' things and walked down a hall full of doors. The living room had one bright red wall, while the other four were white and covered in drawings and paintings, pretty much like the outside of Katya's office. The house wasn't huge, but it was big enough to make everyone comfortable and host the occasional house party. Trixie and Kim entered a door to the left, where they rightfully assumed was the kitchen. On the counter top were bottles of vodka and champagne, next to three packs of Red Bulls and a big gallon of orange juice. The two girls looked at each other and Trixie reached for the vodka, only to be interrupted by two bony hands.

“Nuh-uh-uh!” Katya swooped the bottle away from her. “I'm fully aware you're not 21 yet.”

“Are you fucking kidding me, Katya?” 

“Nope. Consider this overtime work. You're staying sober with me.” Katya gave her a cocky smile and pulled three Red Bulls out of the cold packs. “There you go! Now let's have a fun time!”

Trixie grunted and walked out of the kitchen, Kim laughing behind her. She fucking hated being treated like a child. But on a second thought, she realized what Katya wanted. _“You're staying sober with me.”_

Along with so many great things, Trixie had also learned that Katya went through hell after her breakdown and rehab. The whole world wouldn't stop talking about her and her problems; she was being impersonated and made fun of, now seemingly only known for her substance abuse and erratic behavior. Trixie imagined how lonely it must have been to be so judged and misunderstood. And how lonely she probably still was, watching her friends have cocktails in her own living room while her inner demons fought. 

But Trixie soon found out how wrong she was to think she was gonna be bored staying sober. Katya was a clown. Trixie spent so much time laughing and talking to her boss, she didn't even notice the time pass. At three in the morning she found herself in Katya's room looking at a collection of weird but cool jewelry. 

“I bought this one at an antique store in New York.” 

“So a thrift store in Brooklyn?”

“Yes” Katya let out a wheezing laughter for the hundredth time that night. After calming down, she looked at Trixie, her icy blue eyes now dark and heavy. “Trixie, after your internship ends and you're no longer my employee, do you wanna go out with me?”

Trixie's eyes widened and her chin fell. This couldn't have been some drunk talk because they were both sober. A smile crept on her, now, lipstick-less lips. “Smart girl. You probably have tough lawyers, huh?”

“As a matter of fact, I do” The shorter woman replied before sighing. “I mean it, though.”

Trixie looked at her hands for a second and gave an embarrassed little laugh. Her heart was beating like danger was looking her in the eye, and she didn't feel like she could look back at it. _You don't know her that well, she might be the homewrecker everyone talks about,_ she thought, but immediately felt guilty. Katya was being so nice to her, disproving every single nasty thing ever said about her. But then again, she had been tricked before and that was an emotional scar she couldn't get rid of. Trixie's father also acted like he loved her, despite her mother's words of him being an asshole, just to take all the information he could use on court to leave her and her mother with nothing. 

She really fucking needed some therapy, but first she needed to say something, because Katya started to look sad and took a step back.

“I'm sorry, Trixie. Fuck, I keep proving them right, don't I? Such a slut!” She laughed with no joy and lit a cigarette. “Sorry, ok? Forget about it.”

“It's okay” Trixie said so low it was almost a whisper. “You know, I'm not easily impressed. But you amaze me, every day.” She smiled at the woman standing in front of her. “And I'm also allergic to feelings. Daddy issues” she rolled her eyes, making Katya smile again. “So you might wanna excuse me for _focusing on my career right now._ ” She made air quotes and finally got another huge laugh out of Katya, the shorter blonde recognizing the cliché excuse used by so many celebrities to hide their relationships, including herself in the past.

“Alright, Barbie. Maybe in six months then?” 

“Maybe. And maybe if you stop smoking.” Trixie got up from the bed with a disgusted face, waving her hands to get rid of the smoke that circled her.

“Yeah, maybe!” Katya laughed, taking another drag before walking to the door. “Come on, you're about to fall asleep standing up. I'll drive you and Kim home.”

–

After she dropped off the girls at their dorm building, Katya couldn't stop thinking. What was she doing? Did she really have a crush on that girl? Was it because she made Katya feel ordinary again? Or because she didn't treat her like some alien being? Or was it because when Trixie laughed she would squeeze her blue eyes shut and throw her head back, making her golden curls dance? Or because her sweet perfume smelled so good to Katya that she started to avoid smoking inside her office, just in case that would help make the scent linger a little longer around her?

She shook her head and gripped the steering wheel tighter. _Feelings are just like the weather. They come and they go,_ she thought. _Get a grip, get a life and get over it._

But when she drove by the convenience store on her way home, she didn't feel like getting a new pack of cigarettes.


	3. A human vulnerability

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trixie felt like her skin was burning but on the inside everything was cold. She took a deep breath and placed her hands on her desk. _What the fuck do you thing you're doing?_ But then her conversation with Pearl replayed in her head and a knot formed in her throat.

Saturday morning Trixie and Kim were woken up by someone banging on their door. The blonde got up, cursing whoever woke her before noon, and opened the door to reveal Pearl. The skinny girl held three cups of coffee on a tray with one hand and a bag of croissants on the other.

“Hello, bitch!” she said raising the bag, making Kim get up instantly. Trixie gave her a low _hello_ , rubbing her tired eyes and closing the door after she had come in.

“Even though it seems like my friends don't love me anymore, I still love you, so here” Pearl offered the coffees to the other two, sitting next to Kim on her bed. “Now will you tell me what is this bullshit that you two go to a party at Katya Zamolodchikova's house and I don't get invited?”

Trixie rolled her eyes and sipped her hot mocha. “It was a last minute thing” she explained. “Besides, Katya told me to invite Kim. I'm still new at my job, you know? I can't just ask my boss if I can bring another friend to her house.”

“Calm down, bitch, I was just messing with you!” Pearl laughed and adjusted herself to sit more comfortably among Kim's plushies. “Now, seriously, repay me for these coffees with some tea. Tell me everything.”

Trixie wasn't sure what to say. She hadn't told Kim yet about what had happened in Katya's room, and she didn't know if she wanted to.

“Well, to begin with, Katya is actually as cool as Trixie said” Kim started. “And also she and Trixie have the hots for each other.”

Trixie almost chocked on her coffee and Pearl gasped. “What?!” The two exclaimed together.

“Oh. My. God. Trixie, did you seduce your famous boss in _two weeks_? I'm proud, girl” Pearl teased with a malicious smile.

“Fuck off! I don't know what you're talking about. What the fuck, Kim?”

“Girl” Kim turned her whole body to Pearl's direction, ignoring Trixie's defensive protests. “We were there up until, what? Three in the morning? These two bitches didn't stop talking to each other for a minute. But, like, not casual talk. The kind of thing where they wouldn't look anywhere else but the other's face, and when they laughed they would lean on each other. You know?”

Pearl had her mouth open, looking at Trixie with a face that said _You filthy liar, shame on you._

“And...” Kim continued and Trixie's stomach turned. “Before we left they had disappeared into a room for, like, almost an hour.”

The two girls now looked at Trixie with accusatory eyes and a question in the air. Damn Kim Chi with her fucking observant eyes and her huge ass mouth. Trixie had no idea she and Katya actually acted like that around each other. Was she acting like a fucking teenager with a crush? _Ugh, fuck Katya and her goddamn charm._

“She showed me her collection of weird jewelry” she tried to play it cool. “She's actually very weird, to be honest” she said with a dismissive tone and took a sip of the coffee. “I mean, yeah, she's hot. But, like, have you seen her clothes? And she won't shut up. Total boner killer. There's no way I could crush on someone like her.”

Why was she feeling like she just left a puppy in the middle of a road and drove off? Why did it feel so wrong to talk shit about Katya, even if she couldn't hear? Even if it wasn't true...

Pearl laughed and Kim just shrugged. The blonde girl leaned forward “I've heard that she's kind of a slut”.

_No, she's not._ “Probably, who knows.”

“Didn't she, like, fuck that singer... Alaska? And totally ruined her marriage? And then it seems like Alaska loved her and she didn't give a fuck and left her. It was kinda horrible.”

_Lies. Katya is a good person. I don't care what happened before._ “It wouldn't surprise me” Trixie let out a bitchy laugh that made her own ears burn. It felt bad to let people say these things about Katya. But she knew that if she showed her friends how much she liked the older woman, she was never gonna have another day of peace.

Kim didn't laugh along like Pearl did. Instead, she sighed “Whatever. I know what I saw and I think you're full of shit”. She got up and walked to the bathroom. Trixie felt her heart sink a little more.

–

The whole weekend was filled with jokes and teasing comments regarding Friday night. Trixie got back at Kim by telling Pearl about Naomi, a model Tatianna had brought with her. She was tall, slim body, super stylish and so nice. Kim clicked with her the moment they got introduced to each other, and they talked for all the time Trixie had spent with Katya. The two friends insisted that Kim was attracted to her and should ask her out, but Kim just told them to go fuck themselves. “Or Katya, in your case” she added, smiling at Trixie.

On Monday, Trixie's class got dismissed early, since now they were supposed to work on their final projects and there wasn't much left for classes. She had her tap shoes with her, ready for some practice, but, when she saw the dance classroom filled with other students, she didn't have the guts to do it. Instead, she decided to head for work early. Before she got there, she stopped by a cute café near the studio and grabbed two drinks – one mocha for her, and a black unsweetened coffee for Katya.

So she knew how Katya liked her coffee. That was natural, since she was her assistant – even though Katya never actually told her that, she just remembered what she got every time. But was she trying to impress her boss? Or was it her favorite ego-boosting game? Now she knew Katya was attracted to her, she couldn't help but fuel those feelings, even if she had no intention to act on them any time soon. She just loved to feel wanted more than anything in the world.

When she entered the white building, the first thing she saw was a desperate Phi Phi O'Hara running towards her.

“Trixie! Thank God you're here!” the small girl carried a plastic folder filled with papers. “Can you please take these to Katya? They're the first draft of the exhibition's plans. It's her copy, she can keep them.”

“Okay” Trixie said hesitantly, lifting her right elbow slightly so Phi Phi could tuck the folder under her arm, since her hands were busy with the coffees. “Can I ask why you look so relieved to not do it yourself? Weren't you, like, Katya's biggest fan?”

“It seems...” Phi Phi looked around uncomfortable, her eyes stopping for a second on Tatianna, before looking back at the blonde “Katya doesn't like the fact that I'm a fan. I think I was a little too excited on the day of the interview. She's not very into being... recognized, I guess”.

“Oh” Trixie thought back to the day she got hired, Katya's face when she mentioned the blue haired girl to Tatianna. “Well, you should relax. She hired you for a reason, right? That means you belong here. And if you talk to her you'll see she's just as cool as you and me, but a little weirder. And prettier.” The last part came out before she could think about it. Luckily, Phi Phi just smiled and thanked her before going back to her work.

Trixie greeted Tatianna and, before she could reach the stairs, the brunette called her name. “Trixie, honey, just so you know, Katya has company. I think they're in her atelier. I don't think it would be a good idea to interrupt, okay?”

“Okay.” 

That sounded like trouble. Trixie got to the first floor and stopped for a second. Across from Katya's office was another wooden door that led to her private atelier. Trixie had only been there a couple of times, mainly to bring her boss any supplies, but Katya usually worked there by herself. The young girl stared at the door for a second, imagining what was going on behind it. That goddamn butterfly was back inside her stomach, more agitated than ever. 

Trixie turned and got into the office, placing Katya's coffee and the folder Phi Phi gave her on her boss' desk, and went to sit on her own – a little white desk with a cute blue chair Katya had gotten her on her first week. She sipped her drink and looked at the clock. How was this gonna be? Katya asked her out, sort of, the last time they saw each other. Was this gonna be awkward? Should she say something about it or just pretend like nothing happened? She organized her entire desk two times, finished her coffee, and looked at the clock again. Half an hour had passed, meaning Katya's coffee was definitely cold and, whoever she was talking to, it was important. 

When she decided to organize some of Katya's things, just to pass the time (since all of her work was assigned by Katya at the time she needed), she heard two voices approaching the door, and when it opened Trixie's heart beat so fast she thought she was gonna pass out.

Katya came in with a huge smile on her face. Her long blond hair was very curly and full, her lips painted with her signature red, a long black dress covered in little red and white flowers danced around her body while she walked. She didn't notice Trixie for a second, still looking back, talking to...

_Alaska._ Alaska Motherfucking Thunder.

Trixie froze. Alaska was very tall, with a waterfall of platinum blond hair falling on her shoulders. Her bony legs and hips were perfectly hugged by a latex pencil skirt, a white crop top covering her chest. She used to be an actress, like Katya, but decided to build a music career out of it. Now she was a pop singer with worldwide fame and a Lady Gaga-esque taste for music videos. The smile that stretched her big lips fell when she noticed the young girl seating in the corner of the office, making Katya turn to look.

“Trixie! You're early!” her eyes widened for a second and a nervous smile sat on her face. “Uhm, Alaska, this is my assistant, Trixie. This is Alaska. My friend.” There was a quick pause before the last two words, like it was a second thought to add them.

“Hi! It's a pleasure to meet you!” Trixie got up with her best nice girl smile and awkwardly shook the woman's hand.

“The pleasure is mine” Alaska answered, but her face didn't match her words. She sighed and turned to Katya, picking a strand of the shorter woman's hair, stroking it. Trixie's stomach turned. “So, I have to go. I have a meeting with the guys from the label, then we'll visit the new studio. But I'll call you, okay?”

“Okay.” Katya's smile wasn't as big anymore, but she didn't look away from Alaska's face. “I'll walk you to the door then.” The taller woman turned around, saying a quick goodbye to Trixie, and walked out of the office. Katya looked at her with shy eyes and mumbled a _be right back._

Trixie felt like her skin was burning but on the inside everything was cold. Alaska wasn't nice. She looked at Trixie like she was a cockroach in her kitchen. She didn't smile like Katya did at everyone. Katya should teach her how to be nice. And the way she touched Katya, like... like she was used to it? 

Trixie took a deep breath and placed her hands on her desk. _What the fuck do you thing you're doing?_ But then her conversation with Pearl replayed in her head and a knot formed in her throat. _“Didn't she fuck Alaska? Seems like Alaska loved her...”_

She was pulled out of her thoughts when the door clicked. Katya was standing by her side, staring at the floor. When she spoke, she didn't face Trixie.

“So... I would like to ask you not to tell anyone about Alaska's visit. You probably know that if this information falls in the wrong ears it would get... complicated.”

“Of course, I understand. No problem.”

“And, uhm...” she played with the rings on her fingers for a second, a big purple crystal and a silver half moon. “Not that I have to, like, explain myself or anything, but... uhm, we're friends. Just... friends.” A nervous smile appeared on her lips and she finally looked Trixie in the eyes.

The younger girl nodded and sat back down. “Sure. Yeah. I mean, of course you don't have to explain anything. Why would you?” 

“Well, because...” Katya turned and walked to her desk, suddenly looking very tired. “What's this?”

Trixie looked up and saw Katya holding the coffee she had brought. She felt sad for wasting her time and money to try and please her boss. “I brought you coffee. But it's cold now, so you probably don't wanna...” her words trailed off.

“Oh. I'm sorry.” A guilty look crossed Katya's face and Trixie secretly liked it. “You know, I was actually thinking about getting some coffee before... I think you read my mind.” She smiled shyly and Trixie mirrored it. “You know what? There's a microwave downstairs, I'm gonna heat this again.”

“Oh, Katya, come on. Re-heated coffee sucks. It's okay, really. It's just a cup of coffee.”

“But I want it” the older woman replied, walking to the door. “And it's not just a cup of coffee. Right?”

Trixie didn't answer. Nothing seemed right. _”Yes, it is. I don't care about you and I didn't want to see you smile”_ was wrong. _“No. I'm actually trying to show affection”_ wasn't coming out of her mouth either. So she just stared while Katya smiled knowingly. 

“Thank you, Trixie. I can't wait for you to stop working here.” Katya winked and walked out of the room.

She sat there looking at the ceiling. Her body felt warm inside again. She groaned and put her head in her hands, repeating to herself “I am not weak. This does not make me weak”. But when Katya came back sipping on the coffee and smirking at her, her knees disagreed.


	4. You don't love me, big fucking deal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "(..) But, see, Katya is a flirt. She has this whole speech about not believing in love, and how she's not willing to compromise even though she loves everyone. Choices, right?” She laughed again and Trixie faked it back. Oh no. This didn't feel good.

Trixie was angry. Since Katya had stated her attraction to her assistant, the younger girl tried hard to shake it off of her mind and not let it get in too deep. But it wasn't working. She loved to know that someone as special as Katya liked her, making her just as special. She loved the idea of being wanted by a famous, important person. She felt totally VIP for having Katya's private number on her phone. But, most of all, she felt just like a little girl every time Katya complimented her or noticed the little things she did.

 

So that meant Trixie was now very frustrated, because Alaska was around all the time. Seemed like she and Katya had really reconnected, given her weekly visits and how many times Katya had arrived late because they were having lunch together. Trixie was so bothered she finally told Kim about everything, explaining how she thought Alaska wasn't a very nice person and how confused she was with Katya's attitude.

 

“Jealousy is a sin, Trixie” was Kim's first response. But before Trixie could yell at her, she quickly added “Okay, from what I've seen and what you've told me, I believe she likes you. She's very lovable towards everyone, but... I don't know. I have a feeling this is a real thing, you know?”

 

Trixie bit her lip and immersed herself in thoughts. She and Katya hadn't spent so much time talking lately, since the artist was now working on her new piece – the one with the light bulbs. She spent a lot of time with a programmer, figuring out how to get the little spotlights to light up in the right order. Then she locked herself in the atelier, the only window in the room closed, giving life to her imagination in the dark.

 

Luckily for Trixie, Kim and Pearl had agreed to make their final projects with her, so the trio began to work on a performance idea. Kim would make the costume and make-up, Pearl would produce a track, and Trixie would dance. Her frustration for not getting all the attention from Katya anymore was so big that she decided to challenge herself: instead of tap dancing, she was gonna do a classical ballet choreography. Yes, she struggled with the goddamn pointe shoes and she wasn't so flexible. But she wanted to keep busy and make a big impression.

 

She arrived at the studio early for the hundredth time in the past six weeks and made her way to the office upstairs. The room was empty, meaning Katya was in her atelier. She left her bag at her desk and walked to the other wooden door and knocked twice, hearing a muffled “ _come in”_. Inside, Katya was sitting on the floor, surrounded by wires and light bulbs. A shapeless structure was taking form, rising from the ground like retorted tree branches, an empty space right in the middle.

 

“Hey! Just wanted to let you know I'm here, in case you need anything” Trixie said, trying not to let her eyes wander too much around the room. If Katya kept her work locked in there, she probably wanted to keep it unseen.

 

“Thank you!” the older woman replied and got up, raising her arms up to stretch her tired muscles. The movement caused her striped shirt to lift a little, showing off her defined pale stomach, a hint of her hipbones poking out of her black jeans. She let a soft moan escape and with her eyes closed, she cracked her neck, then her knuckles. Trixie wasn't sure if that image was supposed to be as sensual as it was to her, but she definitely felt warm all around, forgetting to breathe for a second.

 

“Tatianna went to get croissants a while ago. Let's go get a snack downstairs!” Katya walked out of the room, followed by the younger blonde, and went to their break room on the ground floor. Tatianna was standing next to the coffee machine, a red mug in her hands.

 

“Hi, Trixie!” the brunette greeted her with a quick kiss to her cheek. “You're right on time, boss!” she turned to Katya. “Coffee is almost ready! The croissants are in the microwave!”

 

“Awesome!” Katya opened the little white door to find a big paper bag filled with warm and great smelling snacks. She took a napkin from the counter and grabbed a bun, offering it to Trixie. The girl accepted with a smile, looking for the pink little mug she had left there for her coffee breaks.

 

Once the three women had their breakfast in hand, they sat at the small round table, sipping their hot drinks. “So” Trixie broke the silence “are you finally trying to contact the aliens upstairs?”

 

Katya looked up, swallowing a piece of her croissant, a smirk appearing on the corner of her lips. “Oh honey, I don't need to contact them if I'm part of the gang. Can't you see I'm out if this world?” Her eyebrows wiggled up and down and Trixie rolled her eyes.

 

“Well, I can't wait for the big reveal. It looks like Dr. Frank-N-Furter's lab in there.”

 

“This is a big one” Katya smiled, more to herself, and glanced to Tatianna before continuing, her grayish blue eyes wide to Trixie's direction. “If rehab was my 2007, this exhibition is gonna be my Blackout, bitch.”

 

Trixie couldn't hold the hysterical laughter that came out of her. “Alright, Britney. Give us more!”

 

“Oh, I will” Katya replied with a serious look that quickly turned into a grin. She finished her coffee and wiped her lips, staining the paper napkin in bright red. “I'm gonna work in my spaceship for another half hour, then we'll go over the exhibition's plans, okay? Meet me in the office.”

 

“Sure thing, boss” Trixie winked at her and the older blonde left the room. That was a good moment to get her doubts out of her system. Tatianna was Katya's friend, and now she was Trixie's friend too. And she needed a few answers before she went crazy.

 

“Tati” she called, the brunette looking up from her phone where she'd been tapping before. “Can I ask you something? I promise I'm not trying to gossip, I'm honestly curious.”

 

“Yeah, girl. What's up?”

 

“What is Katya's deal with Alaska? Like, she said they're friends, but I'm not sure if that's all. Sometimes it seems like they have feelings for each or something.” Trixie tried to make it sound casual, holding back the desperation in her heart.

 

Tatianna laughed lightly and rolled her eyes. “Oh, there's nothing there. And there never was!” Trixie started to feel relieved, but it was a little too soon. “Of course they flirt and I think they've hooked up before. But, see, Katya is a flirt. She has this whole speech about not believing in love, and how she's not willing to compromise even though she loves everyone. Choices, right?” She laughed again and Trixie faked it back. Oh no. This didn't feel good.

 

“So, what, you don't think she could actually like someone beyond physical attraction?”

 

“I mean, she could! But I don't think she wants too. She's happy when she's on the run, honey. Trust me, I've been there”, she gave a knowing look to Trixie. _Shit, she knows?_ “When I met Katya, the studio was still an idea. She's gorgeous and charming, and she likes to flirt – but she hardly ever means it. Then we became friends, and I learned about all of this. I mean, I'm not saying she's a bad bitch. Far from it. But she's damaged, you know? I did my best to be her friend and be there for her. And you should too. Don't get your hopes up, Trixie. I say this because I like you, okay?”

 

She felt like a joke. A pathetic joke. She thought she was being smart and had control over this. Little did she know! Trixie stretched her lips in a forced smile. “Of course! I wouldn't be dumb enough to fall for her charm” she shrugged and Tatianna raised her eyebrows.

 

“Uhm... ouch! Okay, I think Katya needs you upstairs, right?” The pretty brunette got up, leaving her empty cup in the sink, and left for her desk. There she was, the bitchy Trixie Mattel. Something inside her felt cold and broke. She wasn't special, at all. There was nothing there. She was another cute girl Katya wanted to have fun with.

 

_Big fucking deal_ , she thought, while cleaning up the remains of their breakfast and walking up the stairs. _She doesn't know how I actually feel, and she won't. She can't use it to charm me anymore._

 

She got into the office just a minute before Katya. The boss had her hair tied up in a very messy bun, her eyes looking very tired. She smiled to Trixie while she sat on her black chair and got all the papers they were supposed to work on out of her desk's drawer.

 

“Come sit over here, I want you to help me with this” Katya nodded to the space beside her.

 

Trixie got up, unable to make her face look any happy, and dragged her chair to sit next to Katya. “Just so you know, I can't stay until the end of day. I need to practice for my final performance. And I got here early, so I'm only doing the daily six hours.”

 

“Okay, sure. Do you need anything, or...” Katya answered cautiously, not sure of what could have made the joyful Barbie look so pissed off.

 

“No, I'm good. Let's get this over with” Trixie took the paperwork and a pen in her hands, ready to dive in the boring work and not have to stare at Katya's beautiful blue eyes anymore.

 

–

 

For a whole week Trixie acted like a total asshole. For another one she just kept to herself, ignoring her boss as much as she could while still doing her job, so it felt like she had some control over this impossible situation. Katya was scared to ask, not knowing how to deal with the inconsistent behavior of the girl. But Kim couldn't take it anymore. One night, just after they got ready for bed, she walked up to Trixie with fierce eyes and a worried heart.

 

“Trixie, what the fuck is going on? You've broken your own record of bitchiness. Why are you so fucking sad?”

 

“I don't know what you mean, I'm not sad” Trixie didn't face her, stretching her blanket over her bed.

 

“Yes, you do. You shoved your head up your own ass, you've been insulting everyone and you haven't said a word about your work, or Katya, for two weeks. So spill it.”

 

Trixie sat down and went silent for a minute, slowly fluffing her pillow and starring at her own hands. “She doesn't like me” she said, her voice so low Kim almost didn't understand.

 

“Katya? Why do you say that? Did she say something to you?” Kim sat beside her friend and held one of her hands between hers.

 

The blonde girl swallowed and took a deep breath. The hardest thing in the world for her was to let out her feelings like this. It was like trying to pull a dress out of key hole. So when she started telling Kim about her conversation with Tatianna, she couldn't hold the tears that managed to escape her blue eyes.

 

“Oh no, honey” Kim said in a motherly tone, wiping the tears with her fingers. “Are you sure about this?”

 

“Yeah! I mean, Tati has been Katya's friend for years, she knows her!” Trixie looked the saddest her friend had ever seen. “Besides,” she continued, looking into the distance with annoyance in her eyes, “She goes out with Alaska all the fucking time. Even if she was interested in anything in me, she's not thinking about it”.

 

Kim thought for a second on how to respond. Even though she had way less experience than Trixie with relationships, she ended up being way more mature than her best friend when it came to feelings.

 

“Trixie,” she chose her words carefully, “you're brokenhearted. And I know it hurts because I've never seen you like this before. But this also means this is important. When we cry about something, it's important. Honey, be honest with yourself. You fell in love”.

 

This made Trixie shut her eyes and cry even harder. It felt like someone had sentenced her to death. Looking at Katya's smile everyday was torture for her, especially knowing she didn't cause it, since her sadness made her the worst person to have around.

 

“Kim, I don't know how to do this. I wish I could quit and forget I ever met her. God, this stupid internship!” She punched her pillow and sobbed again, every feeling she had bottled up so far coming out at once.

 

“How long do you still need to work there?”

 

“I still need another month, but the contract is six months long.”

 

“Well... then quit when you got what you need. The college will take the papers if she signs them, even if you didn't fulfill the whole time that was stipulated.”

 

“Oh my god, really?” Trixie looked up with bright eyes, hopeful with the chance to get away from all those feelings.

 

“Yes, honey. You don't need to put yourself through this more than the necessary. You're gonna be okay” Kim hugged her and caressed her hair.

 

“Thank you” Trixie whispered to Kim's shoulder. “I'm sorry for being a bitch. Thank you for being my friend.”

 

Kim was happy to finally hear such a nice thing from Trixie, but the sadness and loneliness in her voice made her heart ache a little more.

 

–

 

With the big exhibition coming soon, everyone at the studio were stressed, but Katya was especially freaked out. She was chain smoking and double checking everything all day long. Her pieces were almost ready, but every time she walked out of her atelier, Trixie saw her fists clenched and her lips whispering _“it's not good, it's not good enough”_. The younger blonde tried to hold it together a little harder after her conversation with Kim. But she couldn't help her stomach from turning when she arrived early again, her dance practice bag still on her shoulder, and caught Katya in tears in her office.

 

She froze at the door while Katya starred at her with wide eyes, black streaks of smudged eyeliner and mascara maculating her beautiful face. “I'm sorry, I can come back later” she meant to turn away, but the grayish blue eyes wouldn't let her.

 

“No” Katya said in a strangled voice, “stay”. She ran her bony fingers under her eyes, wiping a few tears. Trixie closed the door behind her and stepped closer to the other woman.

 

“What's wrong?”

 

Katya's lips automatically formed a tentative smile, but her eyebrows arched together in contradiction. “This fucking piece isn't ready. I've done a million things but it never seems ready” she looked to ceiling and shook her head.

 

“What's missing?” Trixie tried to keep her voice soft.

 

“I don't know” the desperation grew and Katya threw her hands up. “It's all there, where it's supposed to be, but...” She exhaled and looked at the assistant again.

 

“Well, it sounds ready” she said carefully, a bold idea appearing in her mind. “Can I see it?”

 

“What?” Katya looked shocked.

 

“I could take a look and give you my thoughts. You know, from a viewer's perspective.”

 

Katya thought for few seconds, looking around aimlessly and biting her lip. She finally breathed deeply and looked back up “Yeah, okay. Let's do this”.

 

–

 

When she opened the atelier's door, it was all dark, except for a laptop screen on the floor. The two stepped in and Katya closed the door. “So, this is about shape and movement, okay? Just to give some context” she said and walked to the laptop, typing on a few keys. “Look up.”

 

When Trixie did, her mouth opened without her consent. All the little light bulbs were placed on top of the wire branches that rose from the floor, a weird structure in the middle being hit by their lights. On the ceiling, she saw a silhouette made of shadows appear, a girl surrounded by light. Then some of the lights slowly started to turn off and others on, and the girl on the ceiling started to dance. She twirled and her arms moved around her, the hint of a long hair following her as she did so. Trixie watched for two minutes in silence, her hands clutching her chest. “So?” Katya's voice sounded in the dark, suddenly scaring her out of her amazement.

 

“It's beautiful” she said softly. “It's beautiful, Katya. Why would you say it's not ready?”

 

In the dim light, she saw Katya's bright teeth appear under a smile. “Uhm... I think there's something... not right with the movement. I'm not sure.”

 

Trixie looked back up and another idea popped into her head. She gathered her courage and looked down at the older woman. “Can I show you something?” Katya nodded with confused eyes. “Okay, wait here.”

 

The blonde girl went out of the room and a few minutes later she came back, a muffled _knock knock_ on the floor accompanying her steps. “Can I get some light?”

 

Katya looked around and found a tall lamp, flicking it on and pointing the bright spotlight at the girl. And then she noticed, at her feet, the beat up pointe shoes.

 

“I've been practicing a lot, but I'm still struggling, so please don't judge” Trixie said with a shy smile. She watched the dancing shadow one more time and got up on her pointes, trying her best to mimic the moves she saw.

 

Katya thought she looked like a mermaid underwater. Her legs moved with precision, the muscles on her thick thighs showing through her light pink tights. Her arms fluttered like butterfly wings all the way up, Trixie's eyes following her hands, making her a picture perfect ballerina with her chin up and sky blue eyes reflecting the light. “I think” her voice broke the fourth wall of what Katya was watching like a movie, “this movement” she moved her arms down in a big arch in slow motion, “needs to be slower”. She got down from the pointes, finishing with a plié.

 

When she looked at Katya sitting on the floor, she was baffled. Without a word, she proceeded to clap, causing Trixie to laugh and bow like a proper ballerina. And there it was again, that feeling. Katya's appreciation made her feel like a true artist, her applause sounding like a whole theater. She blushed, thankful to the weird lighting to cover it up. Trixie didn't want to miss this feeling anymore. She belonged in that spotlight – Katya's spotlight. So she was gonna fight for that starring role.

 

She stepped closer to Katya and knelt before her, her face only inches higher from the other's. “It's ready” she swallowed, her eyes wandering around the artist's face, from her icy eyes, to her stained sharp cheekbones, to her lips, red and swollen from being bitten on so much, and back up to her eyes. “It's all ready.”

 

And she killed the space between them with her pink lips to the red ones.


	5. Like a shooting star in the valley

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh shit, okay” She breathed in and spoke angrier than Trixie had ever heard her. “These fucking vultures again. They crushed her, Trixie. It's bad.”

She kissed back.

 

It took Trixie a couple of seconds to realize Katya was kissing back, cold fingers touching her round cheeks. The girl sighed in a mixture of relief and content, kissing Katya again, and again, pink lips parting slightly to fit a red one between them. It felt like this was happening inside her head. The silence was only broken by the wet sounds of their kisses, the poor lighting making the room feel warmer than it actually was. Trixie felt her heart racing in every part of her body. She wanted to look into those icy blue eyes again, so she placed her shaky hands on her legs to pull back, seeing Katya's lips pout for a second at the sudden interruption.

 

When the artist opened her eyes, she breathed out a laugh, turning away, feeling a shyness that was new to her. “Uhm, Trixie...”

 

“I'm sorry” the younger girl hurried to explain herself. “I... I couldn't help it. I'm sorry.”

 

“Don't apologize, it's okay” Katya said facing her with a gentle smile that wrinkled the corners of her eyes. “It's just that... I kinda can't deal with this right now, you know? This art show is number one to ten on my list of priorities. I have so much at stake” the nervous look was back on her face before she reached out to hold one of Trixie's hands. “You're wonderful. You're beautiful, and talented, and, honestly, very hot. But this can't happen right now.”

 

Trixie sighed and nodded. This was the cutest and most gentle way she's ever been rejected. It was silent for a moment before Katya spoke again. “Besides” that childish guilty smile appeared on her face, “I am literally forbidden to have any sort of non-professional relations with my employees. You know, Ginger is actually my partner here, she owns a part of the studio. Our contract literally says that if I break the ethics code or whatever and it harms our business, she can kick me out. I thought it was a safe idea at the time” she shrugged. “I used to be a little messy, I don't know if you've heard” Trixie laughed at her cynic tone and shook her head.

 

“Well, yeah. She's certainly a lot to handle. It's weird to think you two are that close. You're an odd couple.”

 

“Oh she's a great person actually. She's helped me _a lot_ ” Katya widened her eyes when saying that, making Trixie understand the unsaid. “If it wasn't for her, well...” She sighed and gave Trixie's hand a little pat “you probably wouldn't have this place to work today, let's say that”.

 

Trixie's heart fell a little at the sound of that. Katya looked at her fondly and sighed, giving a last squeeze to her hand before letting go and turning to her laptop. “So... I'm gonna try to perfect this. Although I'm sure it can't look as good as you, Barbie in The Nutcracker.”

 

The dancer got up laughing, comically twirling and bowing. “Okay, I'm gonna take these shoes off cause it actually hurts” she walked to the door, smiling at Katya one more time before disappearing out of the room.

 

–

 

The studio looked like a whole new place once it was ready for the big day. All the messy work stations were replaced by the beautiful art pieces, meticulously placed around the huge shared room. It was all so clean and organized the place almost looked like a museum.

 

Katya's “shadow dancer” was placed in an improvised room made of black curtain walls. Right next to it was a three-canvas panel she painted, starting with a silhouette surrounded by shadows, then it caught on fire on the second part, and ended surrounded by a blissful blue-cream-green aura. Trixie saw it as auto-biographic, the artist's view of her own journey through an agitated life.

 

Trixie made sure to be the best assistant ever in that night. She helped Katya escape when she needed a smoke break, made sure Katya had eaten properly during the day, reassured her a thousand times that everything was great, but also stepped away when Alaska appeared. Trixie watched from a distance as the two talked and laughed, doing her best to stay focused on her job – that's what Katya needed her to do.

 

She took the time to walk around and appreciate everybody's work. Detox had found a way sculpt tiny women on lipsticks, and a bunch of tiny smiley faces out of colorful pills. “Fucking genius”, Trixie whispered to the sculptor that stood next to her creations and gave her a wink and a smile back.

 

Of course the press showed up. Tatianna made sure to call everyone. Even though they expected for more people to come, the house was pretty full. And of course every single person with a camera photographed Katya and Alaska together. A thousand times. Trixie took a mental note to shield herself from all the gossip and speculation that was gonna inevitably surface on the next day. She also hoped to, somehow, shield Katya from that too. She put all of her hopes into that one night, into her art. This was too important to be messed up by the media's bullshit.

 

About an hour later, Trixie had made sure to treat everyone wonderfully and say great things about Katya's work around the reporters and critics, she finally saw Alaska saying goodbye. The skinny blonde hugged and kissed Katya on her cheeks, strutting out the door like she was on the runway. There was something off about her that Trixie simply didn't get. She waited until Katya was by herself again and approached her with a bottle of iced water.

 

“Thought you might need this.”

 

“My guardian angel!” Katya clutched the bottle next to her chest before taking a big gulp. “What do you think? Did we do well?” she looked around with hopeful eyes and smiled at Trixie.

 

“Yeah! You killed it! Everyone seems really happy with the whole thing! Besides, I made sure to let _some people_ hear me talk about what a great artist and person you are. You're welcome” Trixie fluttered her eyelashes and followed Katya when she started laughing.

 

They were very tired. It had been such a stressful and busy day, all they wanted was to go home. “Don't let Ginger hear me”, Katya leaned in to Trixie's shoulder, closing her eyes “but I don't think this would have worked without you, Barbie. Thank you so much”. The taller girl put an arm around her and gave her a little reassuring squeeze. She wasn't strong enough to stop her smile form spreading across her face. And she wasn't bothered by the cloud of butterflies that danced inside of her.

 

–

 

In the morning, Trixie woke up earlier than she expected by her phone ringing. Squinting to the screen she was confused to see Ginger's name. “Hello?”

 

“Trixie!” The manager's raspy voice sounded alarmed. “Have you seen it yet?”

 

“What? I just woke up, what's going on, Ginger?”

 

“Oh shit, okay” She breathed in and spoke angrier than Trixie had ever heard her. “These fucking vultures again. They crushed her, Trixie. It's bad.”

 

“Huh? What are you-” she stopped herself when she realized what Ginger meant. _Oh no._ “The press? What did they say?”

 

“What didn't they say? They read her style, then the fucking Alaska bullshit all over again, some dickhead made sure to have a whole throwback explaining every bad thing that ever involved Katya before.”

 

Trixie was wide awake and low key freaking out now. This was worse than she could have predicted. “But what about the exhibition? Her pieces? It was so good!”

 

“Oh honey, the two lines someone bothered to write about art have the word _mediocre_ in them.” _Fucking hell._ “And, Trixie, someone mentioned you.”

 

“What?!”

 

“Okay, you need to catch up on this. Please have in mind they're a piece of shit, okay? But I need your help right now. Katya won't shut up about you, I think it would be good for her to see you.”

 

“Uhm... okay” Trixie answered, her head spinning with that much information at once. She was mentioned? Katya wanted to see her?

 

“I'm sending a few links to your e-mail. Text me your address, I'll call a taxi to pick you up.”

 

“Alright, alright. I'm gonna change then. See you soon.”

 

Trixie quickly typed and sent the address, and ran to her closet, shoving the first pink dress she found over her head. She put her hair in a pony tail and brushed her teeth, then went to the front of the building to wait for the car. While she waited, she opened the first link Ginger had sent. It was some website dedicated to celebrity gossip. A full gallery of pictures showed Katya and Alaska talking and laughing together, followed by images of Alaska's loving goodbye. The text was filled with things like “the popstar seems to still have a soft spot for the heartbreaker” and “Katya's fashion sense mirrors her career: gone”.

 

The anger grew in Trixie with every line she read. After all the work Katya put into rehabilitating herself and creating her art, building a whole new path from scratch, there they were, treating her like a joke again. She could only imagine how Katya would be feeling right now. The thought made her stomach turn. Thank God Ginger was there.

 

Then she saw it. A “pop culture” session on a news website talked about how _“Katya's attempt to be 'cool' again”_ was _“a total #fail”_ , then proceeded to say how she probably flirted her way into her own art show. _“The new victim of Katya's charm seems to be her own assistant, a barely legal blondie, who spent her every breath declaring her love for the retired actress.”_

 

This was not how she imagined her media debut at all. They didn't even bother to say her name. She was just a groupie, a young bimbo hanging around the adults. Trixie felt sick. When the taxi pulled over, she immediately climbed into the backseat and closed her eyes, her hands over her face. _What the hell is happening right now?_

 

–

 

Katya was sat on the floor of her bedroom's balcony, legs dangling over the edge. Tens of cigarette butts surrounded her, along with a few bottles of beer and a joint. It wasn't as bad of a relapse as one would expect of her, but she drank nonetheless. Ginger had come and gone to check on her a thousand times, now pacing and making phone calls downstairs.

 

She couldn't be more of a failure right now. All of her work, worthless. Her sobriety, gone. Her career, over. She let everyone down, all of her friends. Ginger, Alaska, Trixie. Fuck, she even dragged that poor girl into this. Trixie helped her so much, she even inspired Katya's favorite piece – her ballerina. But she disappointed her too.

 

She was always a meteor, burning too bright. A motherfucking shooting star. And now she was going down. Katya looked up to the peaceful neighborhood, pretty homes filled with pretty people and their pretty lives. She didn't belong there. In fact, she didn't belong anywhere. She reached for the half burned joint that was abandoned by her side and was about to light it, when she heard a knock on the door. When she looked, the tears that had fallen for hours came back to her puffed, red eyes.

 

Trixie walked in slowly, closing the door behind her. The sight of Katya in pieces on the floor made her heart break. When she noticed the bottles and what Katya was holding between her fingers, she knew what Ginger meant by _it's bad_.

 

“Hey” she stepped closer and sat on the floor next to Katya, avoiding the cigarette butts. “Ginger thought I should come by... she said you were talking about me.”

 

“That fucking snitch” Katya joked, but her lips didn't hold a smile. She sighed and looked at the girl, seeing her pretty face clear of make up for the first time. She was beautiful. She was crying again and that made her feel stupid, but she was too tired to try to hold it now. “I'm so sorry, Trixie.”

 

“Katya, no. Why are you apologizing to me? Hey” she wiggled closer to take Katya's hands into hers, rubbing circles with her fingers to calm her a little. “What they're doing to you... it's horrible. It's all kinds of wrong. You don't deserve this, Katya.”

 

The older woman crawled into Trixie's arms and held her, looking even smaller while she cried. “I'm done, Trixie. This is it, I have no back up plan. This was my only hope, I'm back to zero now.”

 

Trixie held her close and felt a warm tear roll down her cheek. “Don't say that, please. You have no idea how good you are. Can I show you something?”

 

Katya pulled back to look into her bright blue eyes, recalling the last time she heard Trixie say those words. “What?”

 

“Okay, first, let's get out of this floor, ok? Come on” she got up and helped Katya stand, pulling her by the hands to the bed inside. Trixie sat with her back against the headboard, inviting Katya to lay on her lap. While she stroke the woman's curly hair, she tapped on her phone and began reading.

 

“The Zamo Studio is a collection of unique talents, and tonight's event made it clear. It's a great experience to watch these minds work their crafts to build such amazing pieces. Katya's perspective of the world is showcased in her new take on the arts. She presents her journey, her heavens and her hell, in the form of colors, shape, light and shadow. It gives a heart some hope to see her talent finally flourish and set her soul free. She truly is a force to be reckoned – but of course I've always known this.”

 

“What's this?” Katya whispered.

 

“This is Phi Phi O'Hara's blog. And the girl has got _a lot_ of hits, let me tell you.”

 

“Really?” Katya looked up, her puffy eyes surprised.

 

“Yeah. Her readers are almost all supporters too. A bunch of nice comments.”

 

“That's nice” a small smile appeared on her face, and Trixie felt a drop of relief fall on her heart.

 

“Also, do you remember Miss Alyssa Edwards?”

 

“Do I remember? Working with her was the only thing that made those stupid teenage movies fun. Best choreographer in the world.”

 

“Well, seems like she's your fan too, because she tweeted about how sorry she was for not being able to come by last night because of work, but she misses you and is really proud. Then she proceeded to virtually shout at every hater that tried to talk shit about you to her.”

 

“Oh my God” Katya finally let a laugh out, seating up. “She's really something. I need to call her and say thanks.” She tucked her hair behind her ear and stared at Trixie, searching for something in her eyes. “How do you do this?”

 

“What?”

 

“You talked me down. Again. You just come in and do this thing and I feel better. How does this happen?”

 

Trixie blushed and looked away, knowing there was nothing to hide her flushed cheeks this time. She shrugged and smiled shyly, a word she didn't want to think about fluttered in her mind. “You just have to remember that you are loved, okay? And it's gonna be alright. The right people are rooting for you. Do what you do best and give these assholes your middle finger. You deserve better, Katya.”

 

Katya laughed weakly and sat closer to Trixie, only the gray tones left in her eyes. “I'm sorry you got caught up in this.”

 

“Don't worry” the girl smiled and shook her head, the sweet smell of her hair dancing around Katya and making her blood pressure rise.

 

“Thank you, thank you, Trixie” she almost whispered, leaning closer, her hand running up to rest on Trixie's jaw.

 

“Katya” the girl breathed shakily, seeing the woman with her eyes closed, their noses lightly touching, “no. Ginger is downstairs, she's gonna kill you.”

 

“I don't care.”

 

“I care” she saw Katya wasn't backing down, but there were too many emotions being mixed in that moment. “Katya, what are you doing?” She took the hand that was cupping her face and held it down, looking into the gray eyes intently.

 

“I'm trying to feel something, Trixie. I've always felt like my heart was broken even if I've never fallen in love before. I don't know what I'm doing with my life anymore. I don't know why I like to be close to you. I'm not trying to figure it out right now. I'm just trying to fucking kiss you.”

 

Trixie felt the air evaporate from her lungs. “Katya, you can't throw a word like _love_ around like this. You wanna get in my pants? By all means, I'd be glad. But, please, don't play me with these words, okay?”

 

“No, no, you don't understand” Katya shook her head, frustrated at how she couldn't get through Trixie's wall. “It's not like that.”

 

“Then how is it? What do you want from me, Katya?”

 

The cold fingers held Trixie's face again, bright blue and gray eyes starring at each other.

 

“Everything. I want everything, Trixie.”


	6. Hit me with your sweet love, steal me with a kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She was standing in front of the open window in her office, a lit cigarette between her fingers, eyes wandering around the view. Her daydream was cut off when the door was abruptly open and a panting Trixie stormed in. The girl threw a pile of papers on the boss' desk, not missing single step. 
> 
> Her eyes focused on Katya's face, she blurted, “I quit”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let's all celebrate, the smut is finally here

Trixie got out of her rehearsal and ran up the stairs of the administration building of her college. She needed those papers more than she needed air. She actually felt like there was none left in her lungs after Katya knocked all of her air, thoughts and reason out of her just the day before. 

 

They kissed like the answer to all of their problems was in each other's face. They kissed until Trixie couldn't distinguish the taste of beer and cigarettes in Katya's tongue anymore. They kissed until they heard Ginger coming up to check on them, when they quickly pulled away and started giggling like middle schoolers. That was great, on one hand, because Ginger was thankful for Trixie making Katya feel good again. But on the other, they had the redhead's eyes glued to them. 

 

After Trixie went home and frantically told Kim everything, tripping over her own words, the Korean girl pointed out that her three months were up. So now the blonde girl was anxiously tapping her feet inside a bus on her way to the studio. She found out via texting Ginger that Katya didn't want to stay alone at home and decided to go to work anyway.

 

The place was nearly empty. A few people from an outsourced company were cleaning up, and Tatianna was sitting at her desk, painting her nails. “Someone's gotta answer the phone”, she said when Trixie inquired why she was there. Because of the whole press fiasco, everyone else took a break from the studio, but not the boss herself. Not only did Katya want to avoid being alone, locked in her room, she cared about the place. The studio was her baby, the project that got her up on her feet and gave her so many new friends. She couldn't just turn her back on it in the middle of this mess.

 

She was standing in front of the open window in her office, a lit cigarette between her fingers, eyes wandering around the view. Her daydream was cut off when the door was abruptly open and a panting Trixie stormed in. The girl threw a pile of papers on the boss' desk, not missing single step. 

 

Her eyes focused on Katya's face, she blurted, “I quit”.

 

Katya didn't have time to say a word. Her cigarette fell from her hand out the window when Trixie finished her power walk across the room and slammed their lips together. She threw her arms around the taller girl's neck, while she pulled her closer by the waist. Their lips parted, immediately searching for the taste of the other's tongue, sweet meeting bitter. Katya sucked on Trixie's bottom lip and gripped her hips, hands traveling up and down to feel up the curves of her waist and ass. Their bodies moved against each other searching for more contact, desperate to release the tension they had built for so long.

 

They pulled away breathing rapidly, Trixie's hungry eyes flying up and down Katya's body. The older woman swallowed and shook her head. “What do you mean you quit?”

 

“I've got what I needed from this job, you just need to sign me off. Now I need to give you what you need from me.”

 

“And what is that?”

 

“You said it yourself. Everything.”

 

Warmth spread across Katya's body and she didn't suppress a groan from leaving her mouth. She let go of Trixie and walked around her, reaching the door. A moment of silence made the younger girl second guess her decision. But when Katya shut the door and turned the key to lock it, Trixie smirked knowingly.

 

Katya walked back to her, joining their lips again. They tripped their way to her desk, pushing everything aside, a few papers and pens hitting the floor, and Trixie sat on top of it, her thick thighs embracing Katya's slim body against her.

 

“Finally, oh god” Katya breathed out with her lips against Trixie's neck, her hands running up the girl's thighs, pulling her skirt up to squeeze the sides of her butt. “Do you know” she reached for the back of the dress and unzipped it, “for how long I've thought about” she pulled the dress up and off the girl's body, “fucking you on this desk?”. 

 

Trixie smiled mischievously, her curvy body now only covered by matching light pink lacy bra and panties. She undid the buttons of Katya's shirt with ease, sliding it off her arms and throwing it to the side. “No, but I know how much  _I've_ thought about it”, she pulled the older woman back to her with her legs and kissed her neck, lightly biting and sucking her way down to the woman's bra. Katya's hand tangled in the girl's hair, holding a handful of golden locks, while Trixie pulled down the front of her black bra to work her tongue around her nipples. She delicately kissed them, licking and sucking, carefully biting just to tease. 

 

Katya's free hand massaged Trixie's boobs for a moment, feeling her hard nipples under the soft pink fabric hinting at what she would find on her way down. She then slid her hand, making sure to feel every inch of Trixie's body, finally reaching her crotch. She felt the wet patch that was already there and slowly rubbed her fingers against it, hearing Trixie whisper “fuck yes”. Katya stroked her harder, pulling on her hair, smiling when she saw the pleasure clear on the girl's face.

 

“Hey Barbie,” she said, her voice sounding deeper than Trixie ever heard, making her even more aroused, “you promise to be quiet?”. Trixie bit her lip and nodded, her hips rolling forward to get more friction, “Yes, boss. Anything you need”. Those words made Katya's eyes glitter and she took her hands away from Trixie to pull her black leather chair. She sat facing the girl's open legs, running her short nails up the thighs she had such a hard time not staring at everyday.

 

“Okay,” she tuck her fingers under the pink panties and pulled them down, Trixie moving to let them come off easier, “boss is gonna work now”. Katya kissed her way up the girl's inner thigh, teasing her groin with the tip of her tongue, and finally licked her pussy, slowly, from the entrance to the clit. 

 

Trixie gasped at the feeling and a soft moan left her, Katya shushing her from her position, her breath against the girl's sensitive skin enhancing her need for more contact. One of her hands grabbed the woman's hair, while the other held up her torso leant back on the desk. 

 

Katya licked her clit, starting soft and slow, then applying more pressure with her tongue. She started sucking on the hard spot, still rubbing her tongue against it, watching Trixie unravel in pleasure. The grip on her hair got harder, along with Trixie's heavy breathing. She pulled away and looked up, getting the most amazing view of the beautiful girl, half hooded eyes starring down at her. Katya lifted her right hand to Trixie's face, brushing a piece of her hair back, then touching her pink pouty lips with her fingertips. Trixie got the message and welcomed two fingers into her mouth, sucking and sliding her tongue all over them, making sure to generously coat them with her saliva.

 

Katya brought her hand back down and brushed her fingers against Trixie's opening, slipping one in. She moved it back and forth a couple of times before adding the second finger, moving and lightly pressing them up while her tongue got back to working on the girl's clit.

 

Trixie was having the hardest time keeping her moans in. This looked and felt surreal on so many levels she couldn't even process at the moment. The view of Katya eating her out on her big boss chair was the sexiest thing she ever saw. Fuck, she could work there for free her entire life if this was her reward. Katya's fingers were moving faster, along with her tongue, flicking her clit up and down. Trixie rolled her hips, unable to stay still while tingles started to rise from her hips, traveling up her stomach. 

 

“Fuck, Katya”, she gasped, grasping the woman's hair to keep her pace, “I'm so close, fuck, I'm gonna cum”, Trixie cried out, and Katya made sure to keep sucking on the girl's clit while she crooked her fingers. In a few seconds Trixie was whimpering, her whole body contracted, her head shot back and her swollen lips pressed together to keep her sounds to a minimum. Katya licked her through her orgasm, slowly pulling her fingers out when the girl relaxed. She looked up to meet the sky blue eyes and sucked her fingers clean, seeing her pink lips open in shocked pleasure.

 

“Am I still a really great boss, Barbie?”.

 

“The best I've ever seen”, Trixie answered, getting down from the desk, holding Katya's hands to steady herself on her still weak legs. She sat on the woman's lap to kiss her, cupping her face with her soft hands, tasting herself on the other's tongue. “What's my assignment now, boss?”

 

“I'm gonna leave it you. Show me proactivity, baby” Katya winked and kissed her again.

 

Trixie gave her little pecks before pulling away, getting off of her lap and lowering herself to the floor. She opened Katya's pants and pulled them down, dragging her panties along. Once they were discarded beside her, Trixie pushed the woman's legs open, finding her incredibly wet. She smiled up at the older woman and, without any tease, she slid her tongue all across her pussy. Trixie kitty licked her, looking up through her eyelashes with a fake innocence. Katya bit her bottom lip and held the arms of the chair for dear life while Trixie worked her tongue in circles around her clit. 

 

“Oh my god”, she breathed out, her light blue eyes rolled back, when Trixie started to suck on her, sending shivers down her spine. Craving more, Katya lifted her legs and rested her feet against the desk, opening herself even more for Trixie to keep on driving her crazy. She gave her a few more long licks before hardening her tongue to fuck her opening. Trixie's hands gripped her thighs to hold her in place while they moved together, pleasure feeling the air with all their desire for each other finally coming alive.

 

Katya felt her orgasm building up in her stomach, the blonde girl's full lips rubbing against her wet skin while she licked and sucked. “Oh my god, Trixie, fuck me” she whispered and Trixie obeyed, gently pressing a finger into Katya, easily sliding in among her juices. Trixie moved her finger around and rubbed it against the top of her insides, hitting the right spot after a few strokes. Katya shut her eyes and her mouth shot open, a scream being held in her throat while she came. Trixie got up and Katya's legs fell back to the floor with a thump. Trixie carefully settled herself on top of Katya's thighs and licked her finger with a smirk. “Yummy”, she said when she finished, making the artist snort.

 

Katya put an arm around her and caressed her hair with the other hand, a gentle smile on her lips while she admired Trixie's beautiful face. She looked like a living doll, a true beauty queen. She secretly wished Trixie would have been born earlier, so maybe their paths could have crossed before and she would have been this happy sooner.

 

Trixie kissed her softly, her hands petting the curly hair that fell over Katya's shoulders. “So, now that you got in my pants,” she said, “are you still interested in the rest of me?”.

 

“Of course I am, baby”, Katya answered with a pitiful smile, taking one of Trixie's hands to place little kisses all over it. “I know it usually happens in a different order, but, since we're here, can I take you out on a date?”

 

“Hell yes”, Trixie laughed and nodded happily.

 

“Okay, let's get dressed then.”

 

“What? You mean right now?”

 

“Yeah! I'm taking you for lunch. Choose wherever you want, Barbie” Katya kissed the back of her hand again and gave a playful slap on her thigh, so she would get up.

 

–

 

“When I said wherever, I imagined you'd like to go to a nice restaurant.”

 

“Oh, but I fucking love Chipotle!” Trixie made Katya laugh while they entered the place. “You can get me extra guac if you're looking to get fancy.”

 

“Deal” Katya smiled and threw an arm around the girl's waist, keeping her close. She looked around and started to notice a few curious looks and eyes widening, followed by quick whispers. _Oh no._ “Do you mind if we take this back to my place, doll?”

 

“Why? Still haven't gotten enough of my body?” Trixie wiggled her eyebrows and giggled, but then noticed Katya's concerned look.

 

“Definitely not, but that's not the reason”, she tipped her head subtly to where the people were sat to eat, and Trixie saw what she meant.

 

“These fucking pricks. Why don't they take care of their own lives?” Trixie got angry and her voice went a little higher, but Katya rubbed her back and shook her head.

 

“Keep it cool, we don't wanna draw more attention. Let's get some food and get out.”

 

Trixie sighed and noded. They kept quiet, just smiling at each other, until their lunch was ready to take out and they drove in Katya's car to her house. Inside, they settled everything on the living room's coffee table, Katya bringing a bottle of Coke and glasses from the kitchen.

 

“This is surprisingly romantic” Trixie commented once they were side by side on the couch, each one devouring a burrito.

 

“I'm a true gentleman, Barbara” Katya joked in a weird voice and Trixie had to cover her mouth when she laughed over a mouthful of food. They kept on being silly, making fun of each other and laughing along. Everything felt so right at that moment they completely forgot the mess they were going through on the outside. Right now, Katya looked as young as Trixie, her bright smile reaching her eyes every time, her biggest concern being trying not to drop food on her couch.

 

Once they finished eating, Katya cuddled up next to Trixie, their hands held together, a few stolen kisses and a cozy silence embracing them. The older woman sighed and looked up to the blue eyes, automaticaly smiling at the girl. “This might get a little difficult... for you, I mean.”

 

“Why?” Trixie tilted her head like a confused puppy.

 

“Well, because... People are gonna come for you. I know fame is part of your dreams – I saw it in you the day we met” Katya smirked and Trixie just laughed, incapable of denying, but a little embarrassed. “But this isn't how you imagine. Even if they haven't published your name, they will find out who you are. And these people, Trixie, they... they can be cruel.”

 

A shadow of sadness hid the glow of Katya's eyes for a moment and Trixie held her closer to her chest, a hand running through her curly hair. “I know. I'm gonna have to tell some people off, then.”

 

“Are you sure? I mean, are you sure it's worth it?”

 

“I am. I'm not gonna lie, it's scary. I wanted to cut a bitch after what they said about you. I don't know how it's gonna be if they talk shit about me or... us” Trixie gave a shy smile and Katya squeezed her arms around the girl to reassure her. _Yeah, us._ “But I'm not gonna give up the chance to be with you because of them.”

 

“I wish I could keep you out of this mess. I'm so sorry, Barbie doll”, Katya looked at her sadly, brushing her hand through the girl's golden hair.

 

“Don't be. And I'm a big girl, I think I can take some shit.”

 

Katya smiled like a bewitched fool, her eyes taking notes of every part of Trixie. That bubblegum fantasy doll, a pin up figure with a bitchy humor, and a heart of gold – filled with pure emotions, but hard to get through. She opened her mouth but caught herself before letting any words slip out, instead reaching for the girl's lips.

 

Trixie kissed her and sighed with happiness, a huge feeling growing inside of her. It made her skin shiver and her stomach freeze, and she didn't know if she was excited or scared. She stroke Katya's hair, their lips and tongues still moving against each other, while her mind asked in a loop: _Do you love me?_


	7. L.O.V.E. Do you love me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trixie laughed in relief and wrapped her arms around Katya's neck, sitting sideways on her lap. “Sorry!” She buried her face in the woman's neck and laughed again, a little whisper coming out of her lips. “I'm Katya Zamolodchikova's girlfriend!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little more smut because i was in the mood for it

Katya never thought about herself as a romantic person. She was used to doing what she wanted when she wanted because she wanted. She was moved by her desires and what felt good to her. But now she felt like someone else. Every time the life sized Barbie walked through her door, she could do about anything to keep those pink lips curved in a smile.

 

She would help Trixie stretch and rehearse her choreography, she would pick Trixie up from rehearsals and take her to lunch, she would make her bed and clean her house so, when Trixie arrived with her, she would feel welcomed again. She even caught herself trying to cook her dinner one night, which didn't quite go well, but was easily fixed with a pizza.

 

This was a little scary. Katya wasn't used to diving in like this, but since Trixie opened her precious golden heart to her, she just had to tear down the walls. Trixie told her about how her dad was an asshole and let her down in every way. She told her about how her mom wasn't really impressed by her choice of career, but didn't care enough to fight her on it. She talked about how lonely she felt being judged as a dumb blondie aiming for fame and how no one seemed to appreciate her hard work.

 

Katya made sure to hold her close and kiss every piece of Trixie's skin she could reach. Like, maybe, her kisses could make the bad feelings go away somehow and her embrace would keep her safe from everything. And, in some ways, they really did. Suddenly Trixie felt like the princess she always wanted to be. Turns out she didn't really need a thousand people telling her they loved her. She just wanted to hear it from Katya, but the words were yet to be let out.

 

Everyday Trixie got more and more nervous about her performance. Along with Pearl and Kim, she was giving her all and making her best ideas turn into a beautiful show. They kept adding new tricks and twists and it really felt like they were making something special. But the closer it got to being ready, the more scared Trixie felt to fuck it up.

 

“I don't know why I had this stupid idea. It's obvious I'm not good enough for this. God, I'm screwed”, she cried out throwing herself on Katya's bed. The woman had watched her practice her steps a thousand times all around the house, from the minute they got there.

 

“I've never heard you say so much bullshit altogether”, Katya sat next to her and reached for her hurt feet, recently released from the tight pointe shoes. “You're amazing, baby. You're already killing it, you have nothing to worry about” she comforted the girl while massaging her swollen toes.

 

“It's gonna be open for the public, you know? The whole school comes to watch the final performances. There's gonna be a crowd.”

 

“So this is your chance to snatch all of their wigs, honey. They're gonna be bright bald by how talented you are. Everyone is gonna love you.”

 

Trixie sighed and looked away, a little afraid to go on with the words that were floating in her mind at the moment. “Are you coming?”

 

“I am! I wouldn't miss it for the world!”

 

“So are you gonna love me too?”

 

The moment of silence made Trixie's stomach turn. She kept looking around the room, embarrassed to look Katya in the eyes. The weight on the mattress around her shifted and bony hands held her own, making her turn to find the light blue eyes starring down at her with the softest smile underneath them.

 

“Trixie... I already do.”

 

A smile crept on the girl's face when she heard that, her fingers moving to intertwine with Katya's. “You do?”

 

“Yeah” Katya reached down and placed a tender kiss to Trixie's lips, sighing as she pulled away. “I'm sorry if I'm not very vocal about it. My thing is more like showing my love with little things than putting it into words.”

 

The smile on Trixie's face was now full, making her bright blue eyes almost shut. “It's okay, I can feel it. And I love you too.”

 

Their lips joined in a slow soft kiss, so much meaning being shared with the touch of their tongues, hearts racing in silence. Love had always been a rough spot for the two of them, and finding happiness like that made them soar. Katya was seen as an unlovable heartbreaker, so no one ever gave her the time to show something else. Trixie was seen as a slutty social climber that only liked herself, so no one ever had the patience to wait for her to open up. They were two beautiful people that got fucked up by the evil of the world and became lonely. But now they were doing their best not to fuck love up like everything else.

 

“Tell you what”, Katya said when they pulled apart, still stroking Trixie's face, “I'm gonna help you relax and give you the star treatment for your big day, okay? Come spend the night tomorrow and then in the morning I'll drive you to college. What do you think?”

 

“I think you're just dying to fuck me again” Trixie made them both laugh.

 

“That's not a lie, but I swear it's not my main goal.”

 

“I'm kidding, dummy. I would love to.”

 

–

 

Setting things up for her night with Trixie made Katya happy and calm. She had been stressing all week about the fact that her work at the studio wasn't translating into anything useful, even when she tried to get the other artists new exhibitions. All the bad feelings were pushed aside when she picked out a baby pink bath bomb that smelled like vanilla and roses, bought some pre-cooked Italian food (she only had to heat it and add the sauce, it couldn't go wrong) and picked a bubbly rosé wine she imagined Trixie would like. Just tonight, her girl deserved to be a little buzzed and very relaxed.

 

Getting home, after she tidied everything up, it was time to prepare another surprise for her Barbie. Katya tapped on her phone searching for the contact number and pressed the call button. A few rings after, a cheerful voice picked up.

 

“Hello!”

 

“Hi, darling! How are you doing?”

 

“Oh my god! I'm great! How are you, girl? I'm so happy that you called, I've been meaning to go see you for a while, but you know how busy this business can keep us...”

 

“Yeah, I know. Don't worry, honey! I'm doing okay. Actually, I'm calling to ask if you're busy tomorrow. I would love for you to meet me somewhere.”

 

–

 

Trixie checked herself in the mirror again. A cute white dress covered in baby pink hearts marked her waist and made her hips look rounder. She knew Katya liked her thighs, so she was glad they showed under the short skirt. She double checked her bag, making sure she got everything she was gonna need for the night and to bring with her to college the day after. After a last fluff on her curls, her phone buzzed to let her know Katya was outside.

 

“Okay, Kim, I'm going. I'll be in the auditorium tomorrow at 8 a.m. sharp. If anything happens you can call me, okay?”

 

“Trixie, don't worry” Kim said, looking up from her phone, lying on her bed. “We have everything we need, it's all good. Go enjoy your night with your girlfriend.”

 

Trixie felt her face get warm. “I don't know if she's my girlfriend”, she rolled her eyes trying to make it casual. “I mean, we're together, but we haven't discussed it like that and-”

 

“Trixie!” the Korean girl cut her. “She's waiting! Good night!”

 

The blonde girl laughed and grabbed her bag, then ran out to meet Katya just finishing a cigarette inside her car.

 

“Hi, chimney! How was your day?” She got into the passenger seat and placed a quick kiss to the woman's lips.

 

“It was very good actually! And just so you know, I promised myself not to smoke tonight. So that was my goodnight cigarette. Feel honored!” Katya joked with a serious face while she started driving.

 

“Oh, wow! I do!” Trixie said with an ironic tone, but, on the inside, she meant it. That was thoughtful of Katya and her heart felt like a warm bundle of joy. They spent the car ride talking about Katya's adventures shopping around the city – because for her any ordinary trip to the grocery store became an adventure – and Trixie's frustration at Kim's chill attitude. “I mean, she's so calm! She's not even nervous! I swear to God, she spent the day watching fucking anime!”

 

Katya laughed at the girl's irritation and felt even more ready to give her a wonderful night. Once they arrived at her house, Trixie went upstairs to leave her bag in Katya's bedroom and when she got back down, the woman was waiting for her with a glass of wine in hand.

 

“I hope you like it. I have no idea what it tastes like.”

 

Trixie took the glass with a surprised smile and sipped, the sweetness pleasing her mouth along with the fizzy bubbles. “It's delicious! Wow, you really meant it when you said I was getting the star treatment, huh?” She chuckled and moved closer, Katya immediately embracing her waist with her arms.

 

“Oh yeah, baby. And I hope you're hungry!”

 

“I actually am” Trixie nodded and looked around the room, noticing the dining table set beautifully with two tall candles waiting to be lit. “I don't know what I was expecting, but I sure am surprised.”

 

“I'll take that as a compliment” Katya squeezed the girl's sides playfully and let go of her to head to the kitchen.

 

Trixie looked into the over decorated living room and sighed. For a second she feared she would suddenly wake up alone in her bed. But, luckily for her, she was wide awake and Katya was placing a steaming pot of gnocchi on the center of the dining table.

 

The woman lit the candles with her lighter and pulled one of the chairs, turning to Trixie. “My lady.”

 

The girl walked to the table, putting her wine glass down and smoothing her skirt while she sat. Katya served them both and even sprinkled shredded Parmesan cheese on top of their food. She sat across from Trixie and waited for the girl to try her meal.

 

“Oh my god!” she said before swallowing. “This is so good! Did you cook this yourself?”

 

“Well, kinda. Not really. But I prepared it!”

 

“Got it” they laughed and Trixie sipped her wine.

 

“I have no idea if this kind of wine goes with this food, but if you don't like it I can share my apple juice with you” Katya raised her glass and took a sip.

 

“Nah, I don't know anything about this stuff either. But everything is delicious. Thank you so much, babe.” A happy smile grew on Trixie's face and was mirrored by Katya.

 

“You don't need to thank me for anything” Katya winked and took another bite of her food. “May I say, you look astonishingly hot in that dress” she said with a flare that made Trixie laugh.

 

“Why, thank you very much! And you are astonishingly hot being all fancy and spoiling me like this. I must repay you somehow, my love.”

 

“I can think of a few things...” Katya smirked and they both laughed.

 

After they were done with dinner, Katya let Trixie choose anything she wanted to watch on the tv. She wasn't very excited when the girl chose the latest episode of American Horror Story – she hated that show -, but she was happy to have Trixie clinging to her for the entire hour and hiding her cute face in her neck when she was scared.

 

“Shit, this season got heavy. So much fucking gore!”

 

“Oh well, I don't know how you like to watch this show” Trixie glared at the comment and Katya raised her hands defensively. “I don't like it! I have the right! But I'm glad to make you happy if this was what you wanted to see.”

 

The younger girl chuckled and answered with a kiss that started sweet, but didn't take long to heat up. They made out on the sofa, Trixie leaning on top of Katya, the woman groping her ass and thick thighs.

 

“I think we should go upstairs” Katya said interrupting their kiss. She pulled the girl by the hand into her bedroom, where she slowly started to take Trixie's dress off. She put her lips close to the girl's ear and said in a low voice, while her hands roamed around her body “Let's get in the tub”.

 

Trixie turned with a surprised smile, but happily agreed. She could use a warm bath, especially with Katya. After the artist stripped off of all of her clothes, she opened the bathroom door to reveal scented candles everywhere and a half filled bathtub. “I'm just gonna get some hot water in” Katya reached the right tap and opened it.

 

While the water poured and a warm steam rose, Katya turned to light the candles (Smokers! Got lighters everywhere!) and right after got rid of Trixie's underwear. “You look gorgeous in these, baby”, she said, kissing Trixie's shoulder while she pulled her bra off. “But you look even better without it.”

 

When the water was warm enough, they got in, Katya sitting with her back against the tub's wall and Trixie between her legs. The girl let her head fall on the woman's chest, feeling her arms wrap lovingly around her. “This feels so good, Katya. I can't believe you took the time to give me all of this.”

 

“Of course I did” Katya responded and moved a little to the side, so she could look Trixie in the eyes. “I love you.”

 

Trixie's heart beat so fast she feared Katya would hear it. “I love you too.”

 

They kissed without any rush and caressed each other's face, smiles appearing on both of their lips.

 

“Oh, almost forgot!” Katya suddenly lit up, her blue eyes wide with excitement. She stretched her arm to the outside of the tub and pulled up a paper bag, offering to Trixie. “I think you're gonna like this.”

 

The girl took it with a little hesitation, but her face lit up just like Katya's when she pulled the pink ball out of the bag. “Oh my god! I've always wanted one of these! I never tried it before!”

 

“Go ahead!”

 

The two smiled like little kids watching a magic trick when Trixie dropped the bah bomb into the water and it started to bubble. Soon the whole water was sparkling light pink and the remains of the ball started to reveal rose petals from the inside.

 

“Ah, it's so pretty! And it smells so good! You got it so right, I love it!”

 

“Yes!” Katya raised a fist in a commemorative motion that made Trixie laugh. Smiling, she proceeded to take a bottle from the side of the tub and squirted some liquid soap into her hand. “Now let's get you reaaally relaxed, shall we?”

 

“Hm-hmm” Trixie hummed in a cheerful agreement, turning her back to Katya when the woman started to rub her shoulders and neck, making a silky white foam appear from the soap.

 

Katya massaged the girl's back, pressing and rubbing in all the right places. Her hands traveled down Trixie's arms, around them, over her ribs and met at her boobs. She stroked them with care, coating them in soap, and watched Trixie's skin start to tingle as her nipples got hard. Katya fondled the two buds with her fingers and kissed the girl's neck, earning a subtle moan in return.

 

“Katya?” Trixie called, placing her own hands over the other's and moving them together around herself.

 

“Yes, baby?”

 

“Are you my girlfriend?”

 

Katya's hands stopped moving and Trixie turned to look at her, scared that she said the wrong thing at the wrong moment. “I mean, do you want to be? It's just that I caught myself not really knowing what to call you and it sounded right to-”

 

“Yes.”

 

“What?”

 

“You kinda ruined my moment, I was thinking of a way to make it an official thing, but I take it. Of course I want to be your girlfriend, are you kidding me?”

 

Trixie laughed in relief and wrapped her arms around Katya's neck, sitting sideways on her lap. “Sorry!” She buried her face in the woman's neck and laughed again, a little whisper coming out of her lips. “I'm Katya Zamolodchikova's girlfriend!”

 

They both shook with Katya's huge, scandalous laughter. “And I am Barbie's girlfriend! Who knew she'd prefer a mess of a woman over Ken, huh?”

 

“Any day, baby!” Trixie kissed her excitedly, placing her knees on each side of Katya's legs, pressing their bodies together. “I think I'm gonna need more space to thank you properly for this night.”

 

Katya grinned and moved to get up, being followed by Trixie. She put a fluffy towel around the girl, but it was quickly discarded once they started kissing again, blindly pulling each other back into the bedroom and falling on the bed.

 

Trixie crawled on top of Katya, her soft hands running up her legs and squeezing at the hips. With her thick thighs firmly placed on each side, they kissed, Katya holding Trixie's face with her fingers gently rubbing at her neck. They pulled away slowly, Trixie's hands on the mattress besides Katya's face, looking down at the woman and she felt her heart race with excitement again. Those blue eyes that were almost gray looked up at her, shining like two little starts, her sharp cheekbones seeming softer over the smile that grew on her face.

 

“What?” Katya asked, tilting her head a little to the side, and Trixie realized she was staring in silence.

 

“You're so beautiful.”

 

A new reaction appeared on Katya's face. She blushed, and Trixie made sure to engrave that in her memory. Their kiss was gentle and meaningful, tasting each other's mouth and touching every piece of the other's skin they could reach. Trixie pulled up, leaving Katya's lips with little pecks, continuing around her jaw and down her neck. She sucked and bit at the skin when Katya let a moan out, doing everything extra slowly, not only to tease, but to learn properly what made those amazing sounds come out of her girlfriend.

 

_Girlfriend!_ Trixie's lips curved up in a smile and she moved down, kissing Katya's chest, her lips lingering a little longer over her heartbeat, then taking her left nipple to suck on. Katya's right hand tangled in Trixie's humid hair, caressing and tugging a little, letting her desire be known. Trixie kept kissing her body all the way down to her crotch, stopping to settle herself between her legs, her arms holding around Katya's thighs.

 

Trixie placed an open mouth kiss over Katya's pussy and felt her own throb at how wet the older woman was. She proceeded to lick and suck, looking up through her eyelashes to see Katya's eyes rolled back, her mouth open in a perfect O shape, her chest rising and falling hard. With a loud suction sound Trixie pulled away. 

 

“We don't have to be quiet tonight, right?” Katya simply shook her head and bit her lip, grinning. “Then let me hear you.”

 

Katya shivered at her words and let her head fall back, her back arching when Trixie went back to eating her out. Her throat buzzed with the moan that came out of her, the feeling of Trixie's full lips around her clit while her tongue rubbed against it was almost too much.

 

“Oh my God, Trixie. I- Ah!” The girl's nails dug into her thighs, the sound of Katya unraveling in pleasure made her even wetter. “Come here”, Katya called and pulled her by the wrists, kissing her desperately.

 

They both reached down at the same time, smart fingers touching the other at the right place. Trixie slid two fingers in and worked them in and out, the heel of her palm pressing against Katya's clit. Katya rolled her hips while her fingers entered Trixie and fucked her at the same rhythm. Their foreheads were pressed together and the bright blue eyes stared right into the gray-blue ones. Their moans mixed up like a melody while their lips kept brushing, hips rocking against each other, heat rising and it all went blurry when Katya's eyebrows arched up and she cried out.

 

“Fuck, Trixie, I'm- I'm coming.” Her legs tensed and her toes curled and, when Trixie screamed into her neck it was clear that she had reached her climax as well.

 

They slowly settled their head against the pillows, curling up against each other, little kisses shared while their ears still buzzed.

 

“How is this real?” Trixie whispered, her eyelids fluttering down.

 

“I don't know, but I'm glad it is”, Katya answered, blindly pulling a soft sheet over them.

 

Trixie hummed against her, already drifting off. Katya squeezed her arms around her and thought, “If love is really evil, than this is one wicked way to go”. And with a smile on her lips she joined her girlfriend's unconsciousness.


	8. There is no crime in being kind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A smile grew on her painted lips and her eyes fell on the audience. The glimpse of a bright smile in the middle of the dark theater made her eyelids flutter and with a final pose she bowed, her hands reaching forwards, ready to be taken.

Trixie squeezed her feet into the pointe shoes and tied the silky straps around her ankles with care. She looked like some kind of magical creature in her full make up and costume – Kim had made her eyes look huge like an anime character and her lips pouty, the apples of her cheeks glowed and her eyelashes touched her brow bone when she looked up. The tight leotard was white and rhinestoned, with a flowy translucent skirt attached around the waist. Her arms, chest and shoulders had been sprayed with golden body glow and, every time a light hit Trixie, she looked enchanted. Her hair was braided in a complicated up do with real white and light pink flowers pinned around it.

 

She tiptoed to the corner of the stage, spying outside to try and find Katya. That morning, Trixie had woken up to breakfast in bed. Katya made sure she ate properly, didn't matter how many times she said she wasn't hungry and her stomach was flipping with nerves. After getting out together, Katya dropped Trixie off in front of the building where the auditorium was located, saying she was gonna park the car and smoke a cigarette before going in.

 

Trixie didn't see if she got in though, and she had a lot to do to prepare, going through light and sound check, rehearsing her marks and a few steps, stretching and warming up, then sitting with Kim to get her make up and hair done in time. Now there was too many people already in the audience seats and she couldn't find the messy blond hair anywhere. She had to contain the impulse to bite her nails and went back in her shared dressing room. Just as she took her phone and unlocked it, a new message notification showed up.

 

**Katya** : Sorry I didn't run in to kiss you good luck, got a little caught up

 

**Katya** : But you don't need luck cause you got talent. I'm out here rooting for you. Kill it, babe! I love you!

 

Trixie smiled and sighed, holding her phone closer to her chest. Her name was being called to head onto the stage, it was time. Pearl was sitting at the sound table and Kim was with the lights tech to make sure everything worked as planned.

 

She stepped forward and out of the curtains, her shoes softly knocking on the wooden floor. She positioned herself on her mark and her whole skin tingled. Even though she couldn't really see the audience, she felt all of their eyes on her – and it was energizing. A bolt of power went through her body when the music started to play and she climbed on her pointes.

 

Her body swayed and twirled, chasing the white spotlight that seemed to run from her. Her wide eyes wanted to be under that light, she needed to feel the heat of the world looking at her. She looked around like a lost kid in a dark forest until a new, pink, glowing spotlight appeared next to her. She swung her arms like wings and with gentle motions her body melted into the cozy pink light, making her skin glow and her chest rise with fresh air. The light burned brighter and she danced faster, pirouettes, jumps and beautiful poses turning her into a real life fairy. A smile grew on her painted lips and her eyes fell on the audience. The glimpse of a bright smile in the middle of the dark theater made her eyelids flutter and with a final pose she bowed, her hands reaching forwards, ready to be taken.

 

A wave of applause took Trixie out of her trance. She looked up and bowed in gratitude, quickly walking out of the stage. While her head slowly stopped spinning from the adrenaline, Pearl and Kim walked in and hugged her from both sides.

 

“Oh my God, it was perfect! We did it!” Pearl's voice sounded on her left shoulder and she just smiled and nodded.

 

“Was it really good? I couldn't see anything, did the board enjoy it?” Trixie looked between the other two.

 

“Trixie,” Kim placed a hand on her shoulder and looked her dead in the eye, “the dean watched it. Smiling. RuPaul smiled for almost three minutes non-stop and clapped for us. I think we're good.”

 

“Holy shit” Trixie's head spun again and a new jolt of dopamine made her skin tingle. “Shit! Guys, help me out of these shoes, I need to find Katya.”

 

The need to jump on her girlfriend's arms made Trixie remember how Katya was probably being surrounded by phone cameras and curious douchebags invading her personal space. In more comfortable flats, she didn't care to change out of her costume and just ran out, trying to see above the crowd.

 

In about five seconds way too many heads turned to her and around to the back of the auditorium, and she was there. Messy blond hair kind of pinned away from her face, paper white teeth showing inside a smile and a single hot pink rose in hand. Trixie sprinted and almost knocked Katya down with the tightest hug she could give.

 

“Hi, gorgeous”, Katya's voice was muffled in her neck and she pulled back. “Congratulations!” She offered Trixie the rose, that took it with a shaky smile, as she felt her eyes suddenly water.

 

“Thank you.” She thought of kissing Katya, but the weight of all those people looking and the faint sound of cameras clicking made her think twice. “Let's go, let's get inside” she reached for Katya's hand.

 

“Wait!” she turned and looked around, her eyes lighting up in a second. “Come here, you have to meet someone.”

 

She took Trixie's hand and walked to a lady who was just finishing posing for a photo. She was just a little taller than Katya, but her hair made her look as tall as Trixie in heels. When she saw the two, her voice was loud and her eyes crazy wide.

 

“Ah, the star of the show!” she hugged Trixie without hesitation and the girl shot a shocked look to Katya.

 

“Trixie, meet my dear, and crazier than me, friend, Alyssa Edwards. Alyssa, this is my girlfriend.”

 

Trixie's face warmed up at the first public use of the word. Her smile was so big her cheeks were starting to hurt, but she just couldn't hold it back.

 

“Oh my God! It's amazing to meet you, Miss Edwards!”

 

“Miss! You hear that, Katya? She's more polite than you ever were!”

Katya's laughter cackled and whoever wasn't looking yet now turned to them. “Oh, I'm sorry! I should know better than to disrespect my elders!”

 

Alyssa's insane eyes flew to Trixie, but she was smiling while she shook her head. “You know what, I'm gonna talk to the real lady here. Girl, you're so good! You're really good.”

 

“Thank you! Oh my God, I can't believe this is happening right now” Trixie laughed and shook her head trying to focus in making any sense. “Uhm, don't get me wrong, I couldn't be happier to meet to you, but what do I owe the honor of having you at my final?”

 

“Oh!” Alyssa clapped her hands and her long, bright blue nails clinked together. “Katya invited me!”

 

“What? You did?” Trixie shot at Katya as her hands clasped her cheeks to keep her jaw from dropping.

 

“Yeah! See, Alyssa here is a great choreographer, as you know. And she has some very cool projects in the making, right?” Katya smiled and Alyssa nodded back. “And since you're such a magical singing-dancing-acting butterfly, I thought I'd put two and two together.”

 

Trixie couldn't believe Katya did _that_. _I love this woman._ She wanted to kiss her until their faces melted together. “Okay, we need to get out of here, this is too exciting, oh my God.” Alyssa and Katya laughed at her genuine astonishment. “Just wait for me to get changed and we can go.”

 

“Actually, I can't stay long, honey” Alyssa told her with an apologetic smile. “But I'm gonna be calling you very soon, Miss Trixie, trust me!”

 

“Oh, okay. Thank you so much, really. It's too nice of you to come all the way here to see me.”

 

“Don't worry! I really wanted to see this crazy bitch too”, she pointed a long nail at Katya. “We'll talk, okay? I'll see you soon.” They hugged goodbye and watched as Alyssa cat walked her way out while putting a huge pair of sunglasses on her face.

 

“Come on!” Trixie grabbed Katya by the hand and dragged her along while she ran back inside the dressing rooms, ignoring the heads turning with them all the way. The next performance was about to start, so the place was empty for a while. “Ugh, finally.” She held Katya's face and plastered their lips together, drawing a surprised but pleased gasp from the shorter woman that held onto her waist.

 

“Why is it that I'm always waiting so long to kiss you?” Trixie whispered with their noses still touching.

 

“I don't know” Katya laughed and kissed her again, deepening the kiss and letting her hands roam the sides of Trixie's body. “You look so beautiful”, she kissed the girl's neck, “it was all so beautiful, I'm so proud of you”.

 

Trixie pulled back to look her in the eyes, the warmth in her chest spreading through her body. “Did you get it?”

 

“Yes. Yes, I did”, Katya caressed her face and Trixie leaned into the contact.

 

“I love you.”

 

“I love you too.”

 

–

 

Once Trixie finally managed to get changed, despite Katya not being able to keep her hands to herself for too long, and said goodbye to Kim and Pearl, the couple found a nice little bistro to have a celebratory meal.

 

“To you...” Katya raised her glass, “... and to me. I have news”.

 

“What?!” Trixie stopped mid-sip to look at her with surprised eyes for hundredth time that day.

 

“Yeah. So, you know I haven't really... I've been away from the studio since all my work turned into trash, right?” Trixie chuckled but shook her head; she always felt terrible when she thought about Katya's frustration and how much she was struggling to move on. “So I made a decision and I signed it off to Ginger. I'm out.”

 

“Katya, what the fuck?” _Oh no._ That studio was her baby, this couldn't be good. Trixie reached across the table to take her hand. “Why did you do that? It wasn't over yet, you're such a good artist!”

 

“Wait, relax!” Katya rubbed her thumb over the girl's hand and smiled softly. “It is over. But not really.” Trixie tilted her head in confusion. “I think I got a job.”

 

“Where? How?”

 

Katya laughed at her desperation. “Well, you planted the bug in my head actually. I was reading Phi Phi O'Hara's blog again and she wrote something about learning so much from us, and how, apparently, I'm sorta good at explaining things?”

 

“Of course you are! You taught me about color theory in a week!”

 

“Exactly. So, I met with RuPaul today.” Trixie froze and her mouth opened in silence. “There are gonna be some faculty changes for the next semester. A teacher from the visual arts course is leaving. And I'm very ready to insert myself in that opening”, Katya winked and laughed at her own bad joke.

 

“Katya! This is awesome!” Trixie bounced in her seat, but in a second her excited smile slowly fell and her eyebrows furrowed. “Shit.”

 

“What? What's wrong? You don't think I'm good for it?”

 

“No!” She quickly tried to calm Katya's insecurity. “I mean, of course you are! That's not the problem. It's just that... you're gonna have a thousand cute students falling in love with you.”

 

Katya's wheezing laughter startled Trixie as she wailed her hands and lost her breath. “Are you kidding me?”

 

“No! It's true, that place is full with thirsty bitches and you're too pretty and sexy...” She was cut by another wave of laughter.

 

“Trixie, listen to me. If Rihanna tried to seat on my face, fully naked and oiled up, I would ask her to move out of the way 'cause she'd be blocking my view of your ass.”

 

Now was Trixie's turn to scream-laugh with her nose scrunched up and throwing her head back. “I'm serious!” Katya laughed with her. “But thanks for calling me pretty and sexy. Takes one to know one.”

 

“Oh my God, I wish we weren't so gross” Trixie squeezed their hands together.

 

“I wish we were grosser.”

 

Sometimes it was a little hard for Trixie to fathom how Katya could be so soft. _How can you be hurt and thrown around for so long and not end up bitter?_ She thought later, her head resting on Katya's shoulder while the older woman smoked her precious post-sex cigarette.

 

“Why did you do that? Call Alyssa for me?” she asked in a quiet voice, not looking up.

 

“Why wouldn't I?” Katya looked down confused, holding her cigarette up so the smoke wouldn't bother her girlfriend.

 

“I don't know. It just seems unlikely to me that someone can be this good after knowing so much shit”, she kissed Katya's collarbone and watched a shiver rise around it.

 

“Well, it happens when you meet someone who actually wants to get to know you and give them a chance”, Katya nudged her softly with her shoulder and Trixie looked up, her lips curling up. “Not everyone is there to screw you over, you know?”

 

“But I love screwing you!” Trixie whined and got the ridiculous laughter she loved from Katya, who put out her cigarette on the bedside ashtray and turned to hold the girl closer.

 

“Me too, Barbie. Me too”, she said quieter and kissed Trixie, her fingers tangling in the golden hair and her thumb stroking the girl's round cheek. “Now it's your turn to be the popstar.”

 

“But you're still a popstar, Britney”, Trixie tickled her ribs and let her hands linger down her waist.

 

“Nah, I don't wanna live like that anymore. _This_ ”, she tuck her face in the crook of Trixie's neck, “is good enough for me”.


End file.
